Everything You Want
by Raving-Lunatic
Summary: Something that she hadn’t given to anyone else on the team had waited there in the violet of her eyes. She’d tempted him with her rarity. Robin X Raven
1. Turning Upside Left

Lunatic: Yeah. Another one. These poor guys, they aren't mine. If they were, then Slade would be a sock puppet.

I don't own "Everything You Want" either. That belongs to Vertical Horizon.

The red alarm was blaring at Titans' Tower but there was no one there to hear it. All of the Titans were out getting pizza when the various alarms on their person began to blink.

All of them, except Raven.

She had been gone for three days. While they had been inclined to worry, the note left on her doorway had expressibly forbid them from doing anything of the kind. Robin had lost sleep, pacing his bedroom and trying to figure out _why._

The three graduates from the H.I.V.E academy were tormenting a local bank. Robin sighed. Somehow these villains always broke free and decided to make the same mistakes all over again.

"Titans! Go!" Bo staff in hand, Robin headed for Mammoth. The steroid enhanced boy grabbed the nearest lamp pole and pulled it from its cement casing, swinging it at Robin. The Boy Wonder easily leapt over it, flipping mid-air and bringing his staff down hard on his opponent's cranium.

Mammoth stumbled backwards and met with Beast Boy, who sent him flying with a heavy toss of his rhinoceros head. Robin gave him a brief thumbs up and ran to help Starfire.

For weeks before she left, Raven had caused minor explosions wherever she went. To Robin, it was obvious that she was having difficulty controlling her powers. Some emotion was tackling, and defeating her apathetic tyranny.

Had she left because she feared for their safety?

Jinx dodged his kick and sent a spell his way. He flipped in order to avoid it, only to land clumsily on the floor beneath Gizmo's four robotic legs. The mechanical genius laughed in an irritating way and fiddled with his controller.

Growling, Robin jabbed his Bo staff upwards, hitting the small, bald child in the stomach.

'Argh! Rotten snot sniffing-' He didn't get a chance to continue his tirade, because Cyborg had grabbed the robotic leg that had been aiming for Robin's head and cleanly tore it off. Gizmo wobbled a moment before falling completely.

Robin left Cyborg to defeat the clumsy technician. The small little bald boy was no challenge for Cyborg anymore.

Starfire managed to hit Jinx with a luminous green bolt, sending the witch flying backwards. She groaned, and then slipped into unconsciousness.

The authorities were there waiting. They gathered up the fallen villains, promising that this time they wouldn't get out, not again. Robin ignored them, and stalked into the shadows.

The other Titans watched their friend depart, varying levels of concern on their faces. Robin had been quiet and thoughtful since Raven left, all of them had. The dark half demon had no idea how much her absence affected them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere there's speaking 

_It's already coming in_

_Oh and its rising at the back of your mind_

_You never could get it unless you were fed it_

_Now you're here and you don't know why_

Robin stood at the entrance to the abandoned factory. Shattered glass and fallen gears littered the floor, alone with the broken timbers of the ravaged ceiling. Slade's old hide out. 

He stepped into the darkness, trespassing on the past. Sometimes he came here, when he needed a reason to be alone. His thinking room helped him to solve crimes, helped him play the part of the detective.

This place helped him learn about himself.

Why couldn't he focus? Why did everything remind him of something she had said, something she had done? And why couldn't he stop thinking about the fact that she was gone?

_Because_, he told himself, _for some reason, you blame yourself_.

He ran his hand down the wall where a large screen had once stood, whole and unbroken. The glass was shattered now and his feet made loud crunching noises as he stepped through it.

But another noise caught his attention. He froze.

'Who's there?' He had adopted a fighting stance, eyes scanning the darkness. Nothing moved.

_ But under skinned knees and the skid marks _

_ Past the places where you used to learn _

_ You howl and listen _

_ Listen and wait for the _

_ Echoes of angels who won't return_

'Robin?' Raven's voice broke the stillness, cracked as if it hadn't been used. She stepped out of the shadows, pulling the hood down from her face.

'Raven!' He ran to her, a mixture of concern and excitement in his voice. She appeared perfectly fine, although tired and surprised.

'What are you doing here?' Her voice was the same. She looked nervous as she backed a few steps from him, keeping her face as monotone as possible.

He eased off, recognizing a Raven who wanted her space. 'I came here to think.'

She looked behind him, to the shattered screens. 'So did I.'

'You mean you've been here all this time?' He asked incredulously. He'd been here so often the past few days, why had he never seen her?

'No.' She answered bluntly. She didn't elaborate.

'Raven come home. Everyone at the Tower misses you.' He smiled encouragingly. Having her in front of him eased so much of the tension within his mind that he could have danced.

'I can't.' She was expressionless, and her voice reflected this. His smile fell.

'Why not?' He stepped toward her, and she stepped back. 'Raven we're your friends. We care about you.'

He's everything you want 

_ He's everything you need_

_ He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be_

_ He says all the right things at exactly the right time_

_ But he means nothing to you_

_ And you don't know why_

She shook her head to his pro-offered hand. 'Robin, please don't make me to do this.'

He looked at her with a mixture of determination and confused concern. 'Raven if it's your powers then-'

'It's not that.' She said abruptly. 'I mean- it is, but it's something that I can't fix.' She backed further into the shadows, pulling her hood up around her face. Behind it, her eyes became cold. 'I'm leaving. I'll know if you follow me.'

But Robin wasn't giving up that easily. As she disappeared into the darkness, he sped to the door, and leapt onto the ladder that led to the roof.

He was determined to help her, whether she believed he could or not. She headed toward the edge of the city, towards the bay and the Tower. He followed, leaping from roof to roof as she flew high above the skyscrapers.

He watched the moonlight play cruel tricks as it accented the smooth curves of her figure, the violet color of her hair. His stomach lurched with an unfamiliar sensation and he began to think that maybe he knew why he'd been so distracted when she was gone.

She landed at the edge of the water, staring at the T-shaped building that had once been her home. Was she really that determined not to go back there?

He climbed quietly down the fire escape of the last building at the edge of the water, landing softly in the alleyway behind her.

'I told you I'd know if you followed me.' She said angrily. 'Go home Robin. ' She gazed pointedly at the Tower.

You're waiting for someone to put you together 

_ You're waiting for someone to push you away_

_ There's always another wound to discover_

_ There's always something more you'd wish he'd say_

'No.' He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he refused to let her run away like this.

'Robin I know you're stubborn, but this is childish. Go home.' She continued to gaze at the moonlit Tower. Somewhere inside it, Beast Boy and Cyborg were fighting over the remote while Starfire busily made a dinner that no one would eat.

'I can't.' He was moving slowly towards her, as if approaching a timid animal that, at any moment, might fly away.

She didn't look at him, though he knew she could feel him getting closer. When she spoke, the confused regret in her voice made him stop mid-step. 'Why Robin? Why?'

'Because I care about you.' She spun around as if he'd hit her. Her eyes glared at him.

'Stop it!' Her hands were balled into fists. One of them collided with his chin and sent him stumbling backwards.

'Raven what-' He stared at her, eyes wide. He was rubbing the sore red mark on his jaw.

'Don't say that to me. Not you. _Anyone_ but you.' She sank to the ground, muttering that three-word chant of hers. Nearby, several objects were engulfed in tentative tendrils of black energy.

He stayed silent, allowing her to regain her concentration. Breaking it now would result in her losing control.

He's everything you want 

_ He's everything you need_

_ He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be_

_ He says all the right things at exactly the right time_

_ But he means nothing to you and you don't know why_

Finally she stood and her face was blank. Emotionless.

'Raven, let me help you.' He said firmly. She ignored him, pulling her hood up around her face as she turned back to the water. He wasn't going to be ignored.

Robin closed the last distance between them and grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around so that she had to look at him. He took her other shoulder in his free hand and shook her gently.

'Raven come on! You have to let someone in eventually!'

But you'll just sit tight 

_ And watch it unwind_

_ It's only what you're asking for_

_ And you'll be just fine_

_ With all of your time_

_ It's only what you're waiting for_

'No Robin, I don't.' She pulled away from him. Her hair swirled briefly around her face and the windows all around them shattered.

'Everyone has to have someone.' He said angrily. 'You can't go through life alone.'

'Robin I tried. I joined the Titans with every expectation that eventually I would get too attached and something would go wrong. And now something has.' She met his angry gaze with her own blank one, looking stoic and unperturbed.

'What Raven?' He tried to take her hand, anything to get her to stop looking at him with so much apathy. She subtly avoided him. 'Please tell me.'

'I can't. There's nothing you could do to fix this.' She looked past him to the shattered glass. 'Being with you would get them all killed.' She whispered. Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said.

Robin hadn't heard it; her voice was too soft. Whatever it was, it had been the truth. The truth that he wanted to hear.

She took flight, levitating out of his reach. Behind her, the Titan's Tower glittered on its small, rocky island.

Out of the island 

_ Into the highway _

_ Past the places where you might have turned_

_ You never did notice_

_ But you still hide away_

_ The anger of angels who won't return_

Glaring darkly, robin fished into his utility belt and withdrew from it one of his grappling hooks. It was rash, and probably stupid, but he wasn't going to lose her again so quickly. She was in pain, and he was going to help her.

The red and yellow hook spun around her ankles and she jerked in surprise. She turned to look back at him, glaring.

'Robin-urk!' He tugged, trying to bring her back to the ground. She sighed. 'Azarath, Metrion-'

'RAVEN!' He shouted, cutting off her chant. 'Stop it!' All around them, objects were levitating and vibrating dangerously as they reacted to the magic she had been about to cast. Apparently her emotions weren't so easily shunted.

She closed her eyes briefly, chanting under her breath. He pulled while she was distracted and she came crashing down on him. They rolled and Robin used the momentum to his advantage to pin her beneath him, his hands clutching each of her wrists.

She stared at him. She couldn't risk using her powers without having everything around them explode in a haze of garbage and metal. And she wasn't strong enough to get him off her by other means. He smiled at her.

She glared.

'Robin, get off me.'

'No.'

'Get off.'

'No.'

'Now, Robin.' Things were beginning to shudder as a black aura gently taunted them.

'No.'

'Robin! GET OFF.' Her eyes were panicked; he could feel her squirming beneath him, trying to get free.

'No.' He said simply. She growled in frustration.

'This isn't a game Robin. You're making this harder than it should be, Get off and go _home._' She hissed.

''Harder than it should be?' How easy is letting you leave us supposed to be? Do you think we'll just shrug our shoulders and forget you?' He was staring at her with a mixture of shock and pity. He didn't understand how she could get such an impression.

'_Yes._' She spat venomously. 'You most of all.'

Robin was stung. How had she ever come to these conclusions? He dropped his head the few inches between them to reach her ear. 'Raven I could never forget you. I told you before. I care about you, and I don't lie.'

He could feel her shivering beneath him, her breath quivering against his cheek. When he looked again at her face, her eyes were closed, fighting back silvery tears.

'Please, Robin.' Was all she said, but it was filled with so many emotions: sorrow, dread, anticipation, longing. He had never heard such a montage of feeling come from her. It was intoxicating to know that no one else had seen these emotions but him, as if they had been hiding there, waiting for him to discover them.

He's everything you want 

_ He's everything you need_

_ He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be_

_ He says all the right things at exactly the right time_

_ But he means nothing to you and you don't know why_

She opened her eyes. Their noses were touching, their breath mingling as he stared intently into the violet of her eyes. There were no more barriers of indifference, no more apathy. She was exposed beneath him, all of her emotions there to read.

'Raven…' It was dawning on him, the obvious answer he'd been so blind to. He'd thought it was something he could fix, something like a mechanical hitch that, with some maintenance, could be repaired. He saw now, in the depths of her eyes, that it was something much deeper.

The one emotion that cannot be controlled.

All of his reasonable thoughts disappeared, replaced by a strange kind of desire. He closed the minimal distance between them, pressing his lips against hers. He was shaking, overpowered with a longing that he didn't realize he'd had. In just a few moments she had ensnared him. Or had she had him all along?

She was breathing quickly, indulging in the kiss. He could feel the wetness of her eyelashes where unshed tears had waited. He could feel his heart pounding and he slid his hands off of her wrists, down her arms to tangle in her hair.

And then she turned her face aside, breaking the connection between them.

'I'm sorry.' She whispered. Waves of emotion were spilling through the glassy barriers of her eyes, coursing in rhythm with the passing shivers that he could feel threading down her spine.

The various objects that had been floating were destroyed.

He forced her to look at him. 'Why?'

He wasn't asking her why she was sorry; he was asking her a million other things. Why wouldn't she let herself do this? Why had he never done this before? Why did she think she had to run away?

'Because I can't control it anymore.' Her voice was dangerously close to returning to his vague monotony. It hurt him to hear it.

But Robin knew when he was beaten. Her expression was stony, uninviting. Her eyes were full of pain.

'Will you come home?' He asked in her ear. He heard her little intake of breath as his words trickled down her neck.

She didn't answer. She didn't have to. Her body relaxed, slumped in defeat. He let go of her hair, and pushed himself off of her.

Raven stood, brushing the dirt from her clothes. Without a word, she rose into the air and headed for the Tower. Robin stared after her, and his face was as apathetic as hers.

I am everything you want I am everything you need I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be I say all the right things at exactly the right time But I mean nothing to you and I don't know…why I don't know why **Lunatic: (cries) I hope you all (sniffles) enjoyed. It was so (sob) sad to write! Aah! **


	2. My Vertical Horizon

Lunatic: OK since people seemed to want me to continue this, I shall oblige. Though I had meant for it to be a one shot. I'd like it if you all told me if you felt this was a good decision or not.

**Nope. Not even close. Yeah. They aren't mine. **

"Raven!" Starfire gasped excitedly, dropping the 'Pudding of Sadness' that she had begun work on the day before. The disgusting mixture of mold and various other, unmentionable ingredients fell to the floor where it shattered, spilling grey pudding everywhere.

Cyborg and Beast Boy whipped around from where they were sitting on the couch. "Star-" Beast Boy began, then, grinned when he saw the familiar dark hooded shape in the doorway. "Raven!"

Starfire was already there, crushing the petite dark figure in a hug. She threw the boys a pleading look, begging him to distract the Tamaranian girl before she lost consciousness from lack of oxygen. "Uhm Hi, Starfire…"

Cyborg vaulted over the couch to join in on the welcoming, Beast Boy following behind. "Hey Star, let her breathe." He laughed. Starfire blushed, and released their friend from her grip. Raven straightened her cloak and gave Cyborg a small smile of thanks.

"It's my turn." Cyborg grinned wickedly. Before Raven could protest, the metallic athlete had caught her in a cyber kinetic hug.

"Urk! Double crosser." She gasped. She had just started breathing again from the last hug too.

While Raven was convinced that she was a danger to all of them, she couldn't help feeling immensely relieved to see them all. She had come home.

"We must contact Robin immediately!" Starfire chimed, clapping her hands and jumping. Raven's heart missed a beat, though her composure never faltered.

Cyborg dropped her at the mention of the Boy Wonder. "Yeah! He'll be relieved to see you again, Rae."

"Heh, the kid's been searching for you constantly." Beast Boy added. Instead of hugging her, the green boy nervously held out a hand to be shaken. She smiled as she took it.

Cyborg lifted his arm to use the communicator there, but Raven's slender hand stopped him.

"He already knows I'm here." The half-demon's voice was a sinuous monotone. She kept her expression as neutral as possible. She didn't want any of them, least of all Starfire, to know what had happened between her and Robin. Unfortunately Cyborg was rather perceptive; already he had realized that there was more to her arrival than she was letting on.

"I'm going to bed." Raven concluded simply and retreated into the dark hallway, leaving them all to stare after her in confusion.

"I do not understand…" Starfire said sadly. "Have I offended our friend?"

Cyborg shook his head, staring at the door as it slid shut behind Raven. "No, Star." He knew how easily these things affected the alien, and gave her an encouraging smile. "She's been gone a while, she probably just wants to rest."

The door opened again, admitting Robin. Starfire brightened at the sight of him.

"Robin! Wondrous news, our friend-"

"I know." He hardly paused as he pushed past them to the other door. "I'll be in the gym."

As he vanished into the darkness, the trio was left to look at one another in confusion.

"Is it just me, or are we missing something?" Beast Boy asked.

"Our friends are in some sort of trouble?" Starfire's hands were clasped in front of her chest as she looked to Cyborg for an answer. Drama wasn't her forte, and she felt very lost. Raven's seclusion she was accustomed to, even if she didn't understand it. But the last time Robin cut himself off from the rest of the team like this, he had been deceiving them.

Cyborg shook his head. "I don't know. But I promise you Star, whatever it is, I'm going to find out."

Robin hastily attacked the punching bag, the silence of the training room broken by the sound of his angry exclamations. His conversation with Raven had left him with so many confusing emotions that he felt he couldn't tell which direction was up anymore. Most of all he felt frustrated and angry and instead of taking it out on his teammates, he chose to come here and abuse the exercise equipment.

"Hah!" He punched the sand filled bag again and watched angrily as it swung from its chain.

Why had he kissed her? He'd broken his own rule, and disrespected Raven's boundaries. He was willing to forget what he'd thought he'd seen in her eyes beneath the silvery trickle of moonlight, but he couldn't forgive himself for taking advantage of it.

He didn't love Raven.

The punching bag groaned again, a footprint marring its black leather exterior.

He'd kissed her because he'd seen something in her eyes that he wanted. Something that she hadn't given to anyone else on the team had waited there in the violet of her eyes.

She'd tempted him with her rarity.

Raven was so elusive, so closed off. Everything about her screamed of solitude and distance. She had always been a mystery to him, strange and unreachable. The one puzzle he couldn't and wouldn't solve. For a long time he had been content with that.

And then she had been there, vulnerable, with her soul exposed to him, as it had never been before. All of the mysteries had lain beneath him for him to examine.

And he'd taken advantage of it.

"Argh!" He screamed angrily and sent the punching bag flying from its hinges.

Cyborg's mechanical body appeared from the doorway, catching the flying, sand-filled bag before it hit the far wall.

"Whoa, man! I'm the one who has to fix that." But Cyborg wasn't all that angry. This sort of thing happened all the time when Robin was really upset and had energy to burn.

Robin turned sharply away from him and grabbed a towel from the rack, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Sorry." He said with no real conviction.

Cyborg stood quietly behind him. Though, it didn't look like Robin would be talking anytime soon. "So you gonna tell me what's going on?"

"No." Robin pushed past him, fully expecting to leave the room without being further interrogated.

Cyborg's powerful grip grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Look, I understand that you've got this independent leader thing going, but if something's going on between you and Raven, I'd like to hear about it." He kept his voice gentle, trying his best not to upset Robin further.

Robin whipped around to face his oldest friend, a volatile mixture of irritation and frustration on his face. "Nothing's going on between me and Raven." He said through clenched teeth. Cyborg held up his hands.

"Obviously something is. First she runs away and misses the welcome back party at the mention of your name, and you run off as soon as you come in the door." Robin looked away from him, avoiding Cyborg's perceptive gaze. Neither of them said anything.

"What made her come home, Rob?" It sounded less like a question and more like a gentle reassurance. Robin simply shook his head and left the room. Cyborg didn't stop him.


	3. Jump, Jump on the Edge of the World

Lunatic: (sighs) I liked it as a one shot fic, it had that nice kind of ending where you guys have to speculate on your own what happens next. I don't know. I'll see how the plot goes. If it starts being forced, then I'll return it to being a one shot. If it actually keeps flowing, then I'll let it keep flowing and write another one shot. HAH either way I win. Nyah.

**Must I say this every time? I don't own them. **

Raven awoke the next morning to the sound of pounding on her door. She hadn't slept for three days. Consequently, by the time that she did allow herself to return from the world of dreams, it was well past noon.

The incessant pounding that had woken her continued, and she could hear Starfire's voice calling pleasantly behind the sheet of metal that separated them. Raven crawled out of bed and stood for a long moment behind her door, staring at it.

Did she really want to go out there?

She'd become so accustomed to the solitude, letting herself indulge in the lack of humanity around her. She had left because her control was on the edge of breaking. She had left because she needed time alone to regain that feeling of isolation that kept her, and everyone around her, safe.

The door opened with a soft shushing noise. Starfire stood behind it, with her hand raised in preparation to knock again.

"What?" Raven grumbled ominously. Starfire seemed slightly nervous, given Raven's reputation when it came to being disturbed.

She put her hands behind her back. "Uhm, the others and I would like you to join us for a Feast Of Welcoming." She said nervously. Raven had no doubt that the others had forced her into going to get her for their little welcome back party, rather than risk injury themselves.

She sighed. She was overwhelmingly tired, having spent the last three days battling incessantly within her mind. One of her emotions, she had found, had been completely outside of her control.

She began to say no, that she would not join them, but the pleading look on Starfire's unerringly happy face stopped her. Grudgingly she nodded and followed the now overly exuberant Tamaranian to the living room.

"Welcome back Raven!" Cyborg and Beast Boy cheered happily as Raven entered the room. A banner baring a similar message was strung across the center of the room, along with various streamers and balloons. They all looked exhausted.

She stared around her with an eyebrow raised. "You stayed up all night doing this?"

The two boys shuffled somewhat. "Well, sort of."

"We awoke as the earth sun was rising in order to prepare the festivities." Starfire concluded brightly.

Raven glanced outside. She guessed that it was around four in the afternoon.

A door opened on the other side of the living room, and Robin appeared. He glanced around, in a distracted manner before spotting Raven.

"Oh."

She kept her face as emotionless as possible, glad to see that the one rampant emotion that had been giving her so much trouble was settling down. There was no tingle of longing, no nervous flutter in her heart. Instead there was a slightly scornful heat behind her eyes. How could he be speechless now? And why was she angry with him for having nothing to say?

"Come, Robin and join in the Feast of Welcoming!" Starfire floated over to him and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the kitchen where the other Titans were gathering.

Raven followed Cyborg and Beast Boy, a little apprehensive about what the 'feast' might contain. She sat beside Cyborg and Starfire, carefully avoiding Robin's eyes.

A large cup of herbal tea was placed in front of her. She turned in surprise to see Beast Boy beam at her. "Figured you might want some."

She smiled slightly. "Thank you."

The feast turned out to be a large chocolate cake along with a pizza. The pizza had one half of the toppings being vegetarian and the other full to the brim with meat toppings. In other words: the usual.

Though Raven didn't generally like sweet things, she allowed them to give her a slice of the cake. Robin handed it to her, holding on longer than he should have. He was trying to catch her eye, trying to make her look at him, and she stubbornly refused to do so.

She stared pointedly at the wall behind him. In her peripheral vision, she saw his eyes narrow.

"Uh…" They had held on too long. Robin quickly released her plate and she took it quietly. Beast Boy looked from Robin to Raven in quick succession. Even he could see the vastly different expressions on their faces.

The entire table was silent as Raven began eating her cake as if there was nothing going on. Robin glared at her a moment longer. It was a determined expression, devoid of hatred. To her relief, he finally turned to Cyborg and asked him about the new game he'd gotten.

"Uh… yeah its great." His one human eye was doing the same double take as Beast Boy. He didn't want to press the matter in front of either Starfire or Beast Boy, so began talking animatedly about the new level he'd unlocked.

"Friend Raven, you are enjoying your cake?" Starfire inquired politely. Raven nodded mutely.

In reality, she was simply eating to distract herself. In her head she was chanting rhythmically and trying to ignore Boy Wonder.

Raven had always felt isolated from the Teen Titans. Her emotions were dangerous; she was forced to suppress them in exchange for their safety. This gave her the outwardly appearance of being cold and unfeeling. In return, it kept her friends from being close to her, because they never had any idea what she was feeling.

Friendship, she knew, was based on more than just trust and loyalty. One had to understand the person that they were befriending, and none of the Titans, despite knowing her predicament, truly understood her. You have to know a person's heart before you can understand it, and Raven's heart was an enigma.

Now that an emotion had been born within her that was stronger than any other, she found herself exposed to an even deeper isolation. She was constantly in pain as she longed to be close to the inspiration of this emotion. Her exclusion from emotion had always been a grave sacrifice that she recognized and accepted. Occasionally it had caused her pain, but never like this. Knowing that her friends were ignorant to this pain and unable to help her with it only deepened the hurt of it.

She had never felt so alone among company.

Beast Boy was eagerly attacking a third helping of cake when she finished her first. She gave him a look of monotone incredulity, one eyebrow raised. He grinned at her, chocolate around his mouth and said, "Hey, I'm a growing boy."

She shook her head and stood, bringing her plate and empty glass to the sink. She hadn't said a word since arriving at the table. The others watched her surreptitiously and she was aware of Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanging a glance.

She headed for the door, and knew that she would never make it back to her room.

"You aren't leaving now are you Rae?" Cyborg's tone confirmed her suspicions. His hand came from nowhere, grabbing her hood and dragging her back to the living room, past the kitchen where the others were just cleaning up.

"Cyborg-" She started, but he dropped her on the couch. She gave a small 'oof'. He grinned at her.

"I know: I'll regret that won't I?" She glared at him and straightened her hood.

"What else do you have planned?" She asked resolutely. It seemed she'd have to wait until they were all busy to sneak off to her room again. She felt strangely exposed beneath all their attention and she wanted nothing more than to return to the solitude of her room where she didn't have to think about worried glances or fiercely determined team leaders.

Cyborg looked at the ceiling and feigned a nonchalant impression. "Oh nothing."

She continued to glare at him as he returned to the others in the kitchen, stuffing the cake and the extra pizza with the rest of their blue, moldy food. She sighed and slumped into the couch, staring out the large windows to the world outside. It was still stunningly bright, being summer time. There was another hour before sunset.

Music flooded the room, the loud variety that Robin usually listened to when Cyborg and Beast Boy were arguing over the remote. She glanced over her shoulder and saw that all three were already arguing over what to play. Starfire was failing as a mediator.

If she left now, they wouldn't notice her. But they would all be hurt by her disappearance. Sighing, she pulled her hood up around her face and walked to the stereo system. The music ended abruptly as she turned it off.

The other Titans took a second to realize that the thing they were arguing over was silenced. They all turned to look at her, except Robin, who glared at the far wall instead.

"Why don't we just go out?" Raven suggested wearily.

An hour later, she regretted saying anything at all.

They ended up at the club that Blackfire had once taken them to. The place was still loud and boisterous, crowded with enthusiastic teens and flashing lights. Raven winced at the noise, the shadows of her hood obscuring her revulsion.

"All right now this is a party!" Cyborg said, running off into the crowd to join a group of girls who began fawning over his metallic body. Beast Boy chased after him, saying something about sharing the love.

She had no idea where Robin went.

"This party does not require shovels?" Starfire inquired nervously.

"No, Starfire. Just dance." Raven said coolly. She was in no mood to stay amongst the sweaty bodies of so many twisting and jiving teenagers but she wasn't going to abandon Starfire.

Except, Starfire was pulled into a group soon afterwards, leaving Raven alone to stand grumpily in the center of the crowd. She watched the happier, brighter girl smile softly as the group taught her how to dance. In a way, she envied Starfire for her freedom, her ability to express joy. Raven wasn't allowed even that simple luxury.

She scoffed at her own self-pity. She was wasting time here.

Using her powers, Raven teleported to the roof of the building, the music throbbing in the soles of her feet from below. She took a relieved breath of fresh air and tried not to choke on the smog. She would catch up on her meditation here while the others celebrated her return without her. The irony stung.

She settled into her floating Lotus position. "Azarath-"

"Holy-!" Someone jumped around to face her, caught off guard. Raven, for her part, was equally startled and fell to the ground with a painful thud.

"Raven. I didn't know you where up here." Robin offered her a hand, smiling reluctantly.

"Ditto." She grumbled. She ignored his hand and stood, brushing the dirt from her cloak. She pulled the hood up around her face, obscuring her expression from him.

They stood there in silence for a while. She could tell from the turmoil in his aura that he was debating with himself. She didn't need to ask about what.

"Raven… about yesterday- " He began. She held up a hand and stared levelly at him.

"Don't. There's no reason to discuss this." She turned to the stairs, intending on finding Starfire. She wanted to make sure the alien girl wasn't having any trouble, if only to distract herself form her heart, which was pounding far too fast against her ribs.

His hand shot out and grabbed the back of her cloak, succeeding in stopping her. She turned around and gave him her darkest glare.

"Robin, we've been through this. You know why I left. Now I'm back. There's nothing more to say." She said coldly. Her hood had fallen from around her face, exposing her eyes.

"Yes," he said angrily, "there is."

"No," she replied with an equal amount of anger, "there isn't."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"_Is._"

"_Isn't._"

"**_Is_**"

"**ROBIN there is NOT!**" She shouted. Her fingers had curled into fists and she jerked out of his grasp. She stared at him, breathing heavily as she struggled to keep her powers from breaking her control.

"Then why wouldn't you look at me?" He said softly. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, chanting softly.

"Because Robin, you obviously wanted me to. And I didn't want to see what your eyes had to say." She concentrated on the back of her eyelids, focusing on the calm exterior. Her anger subsided.

When she allowed herself to see the world again, Robin was still standing in front of her with so much confusion on his face that she almost pitied him.

"Go back to the party, Robin." She said wearily, returning her hood to its rightful place around her features.

"I can't." He said quietly.

_But why Robin? Why? _

She flinched from her memories of the night before. He noticed.

"Raven, I'm sorry that I kissed you, I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that." He said too quickly.

For some reason his words bit into her like fire. She felt her heart cry out in pain. He'd done it on a whim then, not because he felt the same.

_It wouldn't have mattered anyways. _She told herself angrily _Even if he did share these feelings, I still wouldn't be able to express them. How fair would that be? _

_None of this is fair. _Said a soft voice from somewhere in her head. She sighed, and opened her eyes. She hadn't realized that she'd closed them again.

"I forgive you Robin." She said bluntly. "_Now _will you return to the party? Starfire will need you to explain what people mean when they ask her if she's 'digging' it."

He stared at her a moment longer, and she thought for a terrifying moment that he might stay. The idea didn't completely repel her.

Then he nodded. His sense of authority made it seem like he was giving _her _the order. She turned to watch him disappear down the stairs. Raven felt within her a deep sadness.

What had she _really_ forgiven him for?

Robin took a moment to adjust to the cacophony of noise and multi-colored lights. He might as well follow Raven's advice, and find the innocent Starfire. He didn't worry about her being hassled; the Tamaranian could handle herself. He worried more about her being made fun of. She was sensitive, and didn't really comprehend a lot of the slang that teenager's used on earth.

He couldn't help letting his mind linger on the dark girl above him, standing alone on the roof. She had forgiven him, but he suspected it was just to get rid of him. He hated the idea that he was causing her any pain, but he didn't know how to change that. He had finally decided that the best decision was to give her, her space, as always.

It didn't take long to find Starfire. She was dancing with Cyborg and Beast Boy. It seemed she was enjoying herself a lot more than she had their first visit. She smiled when she saw him.

"Robin! I am glad you have joined us! I met the most wonderful friends!" The rest of her words were drowned out by the loud music.

"What?' Robin yelled. Cyborg put his mouth to Robin's ear.

"Just watch her, man. Somebody out there taught her some _very _interesting dance moves."

Starfire demonstrated, doing something interesting with her hips. Robin felt himself blush. He noticed other guys around them looking at her with interest too.

She held out her hand to him. "Robin, you will dance with me?" He nodded slightly, if only to keep the other watching males around them from doing anything suspicious.

Of course the prospect of her doing that little dance move again didn't hurt either.

Lunatic: Ah boys, always thinking with their – OW! Ok no more Bo staff for you!

I liked this chapter.


	4. Forbidden on the Edge of Dreams

**Lunatic: May I just say, HOLY JUMPING CHILI BEANS. **

**I check my email this wonderful morning and find so many reviews that I fall out of my chair as they spill forward from the screen and swamp me. **

**Well maybe I exaggerated a little bit, but STILL. I never expected that many people to like this fic. It was just a… thing. **

**Thank you, to everyone who reviewed, you have left me with very little humility and I shall now become an arrogant bastard. (Grins) Not that I wasn't already. **

Someone inside the haze of fog was crying, and he couldn't find them. He couldn't see anything through the heavy mist that surrounded him. It stretched upwards and fell around him like a cold, wet blanket.

Occasionally through the stillness and the stifled sobs, he'd hear the sound of birds taking flight as he walked, and sometimes ran. The jarring, raucous calls of indignant crows, or ravens being disturbed from their perches. He could see them, their black shapes distorted by the fog that had settled all around them.

A tormented sob echoed through the silence again, coming from nowhere and everywhere at once.

"Where are you?" He cried desperately. He had been searching for this person for some time, wanting to ease their pain. But no matter what he did, the fog wouldn't dissipate and he would only end up back where he started.

The sob became a terrible scream of sorrow and agony, the sound of a heart that was dying. From the sound, he felt that the owner of the noise was being denied their very existence. A heart that could never find peace because a piece of them was missing, tortured into submission.

He tried running toward the source before it ended. It seemed to go on forever, and he felt tears of empathy begin in the corners of his eyes. The tortured scream of his query was filled with so much pain, a last resort before the silence fell. His footsteps became urgent.

His own scream of frustration mingled with the fading sound of the last agonizing echo. He wasn't getting anywhere!

"Raven where are you?" He screamed angrily. He stopped, and stared into the distance. Raven?

Robin jerked awake with a stifled gasp, cold sweat making him shiver. He'd been dreaming the same dream for weeks.

Usually it ended the same way: with his last cry of frustration as he realized that he wasn't really going anywhere. It left him with a terrible sense of failure and a bad mood the rest of the day. But this time…

Raven had been hiding in her room ever since the welcome back party. They only saw her occasionally when there was trouble, and even then she would disappear once it was over. For the first few weeks he had given her, her space and told the others to do the same.

He understood people like Raven (sometimes) and knew that they wouldn't get her to come out by bugging her constantly. People like her went at their own pace; anything else would only push them away.

But now, close to a month later, he was beginning to doubt his own decision. It seemed that Raven planned on staying in her room, away from the others, for as long as possible. It was selfish and frustrating.

Her seclusion was affecting the performance of the team.

At the last encounter they had with a villain, some maniac who could control metal, Starfire and the others had gotten so distracted by Raven's appearance that they had all been injured by rogue streetlights.

But their bruises and various scratches were nothing compared to the hurt they all suffered when, after the battle, she said not a word and returned to her room. Robin was getting angry.

It was one thing to leave, but it was something else to come back and just hide. Robin wasn't a coward, and he didn't approve of cowardice within his team. Sometimes she didn't even show up for a battle!

Robin angrily pulled on the last of his outfit, hardly realizing that he had been getting dressed the entire time he was thinking. It was roughly around nine in the morning, and he could hear the others were already awake,

In the living room, the TV was playing Beast Boy's cartoons, Starfire beside him, asking various questions about the manner of the show. Cyborg was humming as he made breakfast.

"But why does the coyote pursue this 'Road Runner'?" Starfire asked quizzically. She would never understand the concept of earth humor.

"Because Star, it's _funny._" Beast Boy groaned.

Robin stormed past them, mumbling to himself.

"Robin! Joyous morning to you friend!" Starfire beamed happily. He ignored her.

"Dude! What's gotten into you?" Beast Boy asked shocked. Robin never blew off Starfire, at least not when he could help it.

Robin stopped and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry Star, good morning." He glanced at the couch where Raven usually sat, reading her book and ignoring the noise of everyone else. She wasn't there.

"Hey Rob, eggs and bacon for breakfast?" Cyborg held up the skillet he'd been lovingly attending to.

"Dude! What happened to my tofu sausages?" Beast Boy cried angrily, vaulting over the couch to make sure that Cyborg hadn't trashed his meatless breakfast again.

"Eggs and Bacon sounds great Cy." Robin smiled wanly. He'd wait until later to confront Raven, when everyone was finished with breakfast and his absence would be less noticed.

Inside her room, Raven floated motionlessly. She'd been meditating constantly, trying to suppress this foreign emotion. She couldn't leave the Tower again, knowing that Robin would pursue relentlessly just to stifle his own conscience if she did.

But she couldn't rejoin the team in their everyday activities.

Being among them inspired within her such a deep and echoing sadness, that Raven wondered if her next breath wouldn't be her last. It also caused various explosions as her powers eluded her control.

She had to restore the balance within her mind and find a truce between her and her newest emotion. So far, her heart had resisted any attempts she made to stifle it.

Sighing, Raven drifted to the floor, and decided it was time for another visit to Nevermore.

She levered herself off of the black carpet and went to the mirror that was resting lazily on her dresser, avoiding the debris of objects she had destroyed. The mirror seemed to glower sinisterly at her, its demonic appearance a reflection of her heritage.

When she gazed into its depths, she didn't see her reflection, but the cold world of her mind.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zhinthos." She felt the familiar sensation of vertigo and fell into the physical world of her mind.

Nevermore was largely unchanged, although the sorrowful crying that she had been hearing ever since the day she left the Tower was still echoing tearfully. Raven shook her head with scorn.

She started down the rocky path to the first realm of her mind, the land of Happiness. This place had suffered greatly since the new emotion had arrived. Happy was fading, her pink cloak tattered and worn. She gave Raven a mirthless smile as clouds drifted overhead, obscuring the sunlight that usually warmed the realm.

Intelligence was waiting for her at the exit, a book in hand.

"She's right where you left her." The yellow clad figure said gently.

"She hasn't broken through?"

"How could she? She may be suffering, but her will is still your will. The balance is failing Raven." She pushed her glasses further up her nose and gave Raven a sorrowful look.

"You know I don't have a choice in the matter." She said expressionlessly. Another in silver robes spoke from behind her.

"But isn't there just one small chance… " She trailed off hopefully, as she should, since this was Hope.

"No." Raven said sternly. "In the circumstances, we have no other option." She turned back to Intelligence. "I need to speak with her."

"She won't change." The yellow clad figure said gently.

Raven gazed levelly at the inner reflection of herself, unmoved. She already knew what Intelligence was telling her, and it didn't change her intentions. The other Raven sighed and turned, leading the way to the one emotion they could not control.

Robin finished his breakfast slowly. He wasn't looking forward to confronting Raven about her behavior, but he couldn't let her keep hiding like this.

He remembered his dream, and the agony-filled screams that he had heard within his mind. He shivered gently.

The others were talking happily around him, discussing their plans for the day. Cyborg wanted to upgrade the T-Car, and was stubbornly refusing to let Beast Boy help him. Starfire offered to go to the 'House of Moving Pictures' with the small green boy, and invited Robin to come with them.

"Sorry, Star. I have something I'd like to do today." He mumbled distractedly. Starfire seemed disappointed, but brightened quickly.

"My I inquire about your plans for the day?" She asked cheerfully.

Robin stood from the table, unable to eat more than he already had. "Raven. She's been hiding for long enough, I plan on talking to her about it."

There was a shocked (and fearful) silence from the table. Cyborg dropped his fork.

"Are you sure? I mean it was your idea to let her come out at her own pace… " Cyborg, who faced any opponent without fear, gazed now at Robin with a mixture of horror and admiration. "Besides, she'll tear you apart!"

Robin smiled dryly. "I think I can handle her."

Standing later, in front of her door, Robin wasn't so sure. There was silence emanating from her room, and it only made to heighten his sense of creepy danger. Raven was unpredictable, and had a decidedly nasty temper. Given that he seemed to be the reason she was in so much pain, he wasn't sure that he was as safe from her anger as he might have been a month ago.

He knocked gently on her door. "Raven?"

The figure chained by black energy to the monolith looked up sadly as Intelligence and Raven approached. She was dressed in a cloak of white gold, which seemed to have dulled since the last time Raven saw it. When she had first encountered this 'Love' within her mirror, she had been shocked, and blinded by the intensity of it.

_"Are you the one that's been doing this to me?" She asked levelly, but screams of outrage echoed through the world of her mind. She could hide nothing here. _

The figure stood quietly in front of her, watching like a cat watches the mouse. "Yes."

_ "Get out." _

_ They both knew that that wasn't an order she was about to obey. _

_ "I'm your heart." _

_ Raven shook her head. "Then I'll tear you out myself." _

"Still prepared to tear me from your own chest?" She asked mockingly. Love could be bitter.

"Feels like it." Raven muttered angrily. "How do I-?"

"Give me what I want."

"No." Raven said sternly. "That's not an option."

"Then we have reached an impasse." The figure slumped, dropping her chin to her chest. Her wrists were bound by ropes of black energy, holding her where she knelt at the base of the tall black tower.

"Don't you hate him?" Said another voice behind her. Raven turned, and saw the one voice she had no patience for.

"Leave. This doesn't concern you." Raven pointed angrily, indicating that the red cloaked version of herself head in that direction.

She growled angrily. "Careful Rae, you're just going to get burned."

Raven watched darkly as the four-eyed darkness left, trailing behind it an aura of evil and hatred. Raven sighed. The appearance of Hatred confirmed why she felt angry whenever she was in Robin's presence. Hatred was blaming Robin for the appearance of 'Love' and the following pain that they were all suffering from.

She knelt beside the golden shape bound to the monolith. "Why him?" She whispered desperately.

"Because," the reflection of her raised its head and looked at the true Raven, their noses barely touching. "He's everything… you are not."

She stared at the broken figure in front of her. Her face hardened. "You're dying." She stood, and watched pitilessly as the golden clad shape sighed.

"I know." She looked up after a long moment and smiled at the merciless face of Raven. "Knock, knock, Raven."

Raven's eyes widened. A rapping noise was echoing through her mind, followed by a voice urgently calling her name.

"_Robin._" She hissed. Love smiled happily while tears of anguish made new tracks in the dust on her face.

"Yes." She said eagerly. "He's come to save you from yourself."

Raven scoffed. "Stop it. He's angry because I haven't shown my face in too long."

Robin knocked until his fingers hurt. "Raven I know you're in there!" He growled. There was still no response.

"Fine. Have it your way." He used one of the many gadgets on his suit, and picked the lock on the door. It opened with a tired sigh, revealing a dark, creepy, and very empty room.

"Where-?" He stepped in, searching the shadows for any sign of his gothic friend. She was nowhere to be seen. He was shocked by the amount of broken debris scattered across the floor. It looked like a battle had taken place within the room.

Then again, he thought dryly, it probably had.

After standing in the doorway, completely undecided as to what to do next. Raven's room was always off limits, and he respected this. But he couldn't just leave. Finally he figured that he might as well explore some. There might be something there to indicate what was going on.

While Robin was genuinely worried for Raven, he was also fairly angry with her. Raven was one of the few on the team with enough maturity to earn his honest respect and admiration. The way she handled herself gave the impression of character and intelligence. Robin liked that about her.

But the way she was acting, hiding herself in her room, was not mature or logically intelligent. It showed a clear disrespect for the friendship that she had with the rest of the team and an inability to cope. He wasn't going to let her keep ignoring them and trying to do this alone.

A mirror caught his attention, mainly because of its dark, decorative design. He'd picked it up while he thought angrily about her actions. His own face glared back at him.

"Raven where are you?"

"Behind you." She grabbed the mirror from his hand and slammed it down on the dresser with such force that he was surprised it didn't shatter. "This," she indicated the sinister looking-glass, "is _not _a toy."

Robin felt a little less confident now that he was faced with an angry Raven inside her room. She glared at him expectantly. It took him a moment to realize she was looking for an explanation.

He took a breath, trying to remember what he had meant to say. "Look, Raven, I'm sorry if I hurt you but you can't keep hiding in here, " she turned away from him, and paced to the middle of the floor, as if trying to shun his words, " … and wait, where did you _come_ from?"

She sighed and didn't answer. "I told you the mirror's not a toy." She said again suddenly. How had she known he was looking at it suspiciously while he waited for an answer?

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"No."

"Are you going to come out of your room?"

"No."

He growled, striding forward without thinking to grab her wrist and spin her around to face him. "Raven that's enough! I know that you're in pain, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt the rest of us!"

She glared at him and pulled away. "I'm sure my presence isn't that greatly missed." She said sarcastically. "Get out of my room."

"No!" He cried indignantly. "Stop pushing me away! I'm trying to help you!"

He knew he'd gone too far when the room got darker. "Help me? _Help me?_" She came toward him, and Robin backed away instinctively. "Was that what you were doing the night I agreed to come home?" She never raised her voice, but he winced as if she had shouted.

"Raven, I said I was sorry." He replied evenly.

"You're impulsive, careless, arrogant and stubborn!" She yelled. She seemed a little surprised by her own outburst.

"Raven, I know- and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" She rounded on him.

"Stop saying that!" Blackness was curling around her as she gave into one emotion or another.

"What?" He hated to admit it, but Raven was scaring him. He remembered Dr. Light, and backed away from her.

"Stop telling me you're sorry for something that I wanted you to do!" She yelled. She sank back from him, the darkness abating. She put her hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

"So you did leave because of me." He said sadly. He could see her emotionless facade wavering, and he caught a glimpse of the pain beneath it. "Raven, I'm sorry." He said truthfully. He reached out to her, wanting desperately to save her from her pain.

She pulled scornfully away from him, regaining herself. "Stop it Robin." She was looking away from him, off to the side. "You can't save everyone." Her voice was soft, vulnerable. Robin felt that same desire rising in him again, and drew away from her quickly before he made the same mistake twice.

"Get out." She said firmly, her monotone back in place. He nodded, his head spinning, and retreated to the light of the hallway. The door slammed shut in front of him.

On either side of the door, two stubborn teenagers leaned against it and sighed.

**Lunatic: (Laughs hysterically) These kids crack me up. **

**I had so much trouble writing about Raven's pain. It's hard to convey it because it's got so many contradictions in it. Love is like that. If you've ever loved someone and been unable to show him or her, unable to have him or her, then you'll be able to understand how stuck she is. It hurts a lot, to deny yourself. **


	5. Told You, You Should've Eaten the Pig

Lunatic: I re-watched the Apprentice series and Aftershock, just to get a better feel of Robin's personality. I think I've been writing him a little more emotional and a little less authoritative than he typically is. Must fix. Anyways, Raven isn't going to stick around.

Cyborg rummaged in the fridge, throwing away the moldy food along with some of Beast Boy's horrible tofu. He was sure it would cause an argument in the morning, but the less BB had to sneak on his plate, the better.

He checked the time piece built into his arm. Almost twelve. He should start re-charging, if he didn't then he would be up late and Beast Boy would have a perfect opportunity to make breakfast. Him or Starfire, Cyborg couldn't decide which was worse.

Yawning, he turned on the security system, and headed for bed. The door opened from the living room and he nearly walked into a small dark figure.

"Oh, sorry- Raven!" He was genuinely surprised to see her. He smiled. "I was wondering when you snuck out to eat."

She gave him a bland look. "I haven't been."

He stared at her. "You mean you haven't-?"

"Time doesn't pass in Nevermore." She walked past him to the kitchen. "Why else do you think I'm here now?"

He followed her, shrugging. "Makes sense." He watched her as she began gathering all types of food from the fridge. His eyes widened as she gathered more food than he usually ate in a day.

"Uhm… are you going to eat all that?"

She placed it all on the counter, kicking the fridge shut behind her. "What else am I going to do with it?" She knew he was wondering why she gathered so much. Raven usually ate what she had to, and not much else. But like he said, she hadn't been eating much at all the past month.

Her argument with Robin had left her shaken. It wasn't because she feared she had hurt him, it was because her admission that she actually enjoyed the kiss had sent her emotions into a frenzy. Stating the truth was different than knowing it.

Stating the truth was the same as accepting it.

She sighed, staring blankly at the food in front of her. She wasn't hungry anymore. "Never mind. You can have it."

He stopped her before she could get very far. Cyborg's face was unusually serious. "No, Rae. Sit down. I'll make you something."

A few minutes later she was reluctantly eating the biomechanical athlete's best dish of bacon, eggs, and toast. She nibbled the crust, feeling an unmistakable ache where her hunger should've been.

Cyborg watched her. "Raven, what's up?"

"It's nothing." She didn't look at him, only continued to nibble half-heartedly at her meal.

"It's obviously something." He let the silence stretch between them, until he realized she wasn't going to elaborate. "You may not think it, but we all miss you. It's not right, someone locking themselves up for weeks at a time. I know Starfire's been standing outside your room, waiting for you to come out." His one human eye was filled with so much concern and compassion, that Raven feared she might break down and tell him everything.

She was so tired of being alone.

But she didn't have any other choice.

"I know. I've felt her there." She didn't answer his question. Cyborg knew that if Raven didn't want to tell you something, you weren't going to hear about it.

"Will you be here in the morning?" He asked. "Will you come out of your room for me?" He smiled at her.

She sighed. "I'm not making any promises."

Raven stood and left for her room, thinking quietly. Cyborg was right, and so was Robin, as much as she hated to admit it. She couldn't stay in her room, hurting them with her absence. This cowardly hiding from them wasn't like her. She always faced the truth and did her best to accept it; it was one of her strengths.

She stared resolutely into the mirror on top of her dresser. It was a normal mirror, showing her, her blank reflection. She was pale, her short violet hair limp around her face from lack of care.

"I'm in love with my team leader. And I can't hide from it forever." She said sternly. She felt the blood in her veins rushing violently, like the roar of an angry crowd. Vertigo followed shortly after, followed by nausea and a spinning discomfort in her head.

She groaned, putting her hands on her temples to make the room stop spinning. She could hear someone laughing in her mind, laughing and crying together. Black energy spread from her shaking fingers and spread around the room, finishing off anything that wasn't already broken.

She started to fall, weakness spilling through her legs and making them useless. "Should've… eaten the dammed… food." She gasped and fell into unconsciousness.

Later that morning, Cyborg decided he would get Raven himself. She may not have made a promise, but he wasn't going to let her hole up in her room anymore. Robin seemed to have survived his encounter with her, and it had gotten her to come out that night. Maybe that meant he could convince her to come out and spend time with the rest of them.

He reflected briefly on the fact that Robin hadn't left his thinking room since his argument with Rae. Everyone knew they'd been fighting, their yells could be heard all through the tower. Beast Boy had wanted to go and find out what they were fighting about, but Cyborg recognized a moment when it would be fatal for the little green dude to get involved.

He knocked on Raven's door. "Rae? I know you didn't make any promises but…" The door swung open gently at his touch.

"Uh… " It wasn't like her to leave her door unlocked. Maybe she was already in the living room?

Just as he turned to leave, he noticed the terrible state that the room was in. Everything was broken, the bed sheets were torn, even the walls sported unhealthy cracks.

"Whoa." He stepped into the darkness, reaching to turn on the light until he realized that that too was broken. As he surveyed the damage, he noticed a soft shape collapsed in front of the dresser.

"Raven, no!" He went to her, kneeling down beside her limp form. "I told you, you should eat." He scolded gently. Beside her was the mirror to Nevermore, whole and unbroken. It glimmered slightly and Cyborg shivered, remembering the darkness inside her.

"Come on, let's get you to the Med. Lab." He picked her up, one arm beneath her shoulders, the other in the crook of her knees. He was a little startled by how light she was.

Robin stared, unseeing at the wall, arms folded in front of his chest. Slade's mask hung in front of him, mocking his inability to sort his own emotions.

Why did he feel like he had to be close to her, had to take her in his arms and-

He shook his head, growling. This happened every time he thought about how vulnerable she looked, with her eyes full of emotions. She was Raven. She was his teammate, nothing else.

He had no right to abuse that.

His communicator startled him as it beeped lazily from its position on his belt. He was greeted by Cyborg's worried frown when he answered.

"Cyborg, what's wrong?"

"Raven, I have her in the Med. Lab." He turned to look at something behind him and there was a ruffling noise as double-checked something. "I thought at first it was because she told me she's been eating sporadically, if at all, but Robin, her vital signs aren't right."

Robin straightened from where he'd been leaning on his desk, worry creasing his face. "Is she all right?"

"That's the weird thing. According to the machinery, she should be walking and talking, not laying comatose on a hospital bed." Cyborg said frantically. "I have no idea what to do."

"I'll be right there." He turned off the communicator, heading at a run to the living room.

The side door opened, revealing a quieter-than-usual main living area. Starfire and Beast Boy were listlessly watching TV. They caught his worried expression.

"Friend Robin, what troubles you?" Starfire asked gently. Robin shook his head, he didn't want to stop and explain.

"Follow me to the Med. Lab, I'll tell you on the way."

Five minutes later, they arrived, out of breath from running down the stairs, at the entrance to the white, sterile room. Robin continued to where Cyborg was standing next to Raven, taking her pulse for the hundredth time.

"I don't understand it." He mused quietly. "If I didn't know better, I'd say she was faking it, but this is Raven, she doesn't pull stuff like that." He glared at Beast Boy, who had once done something similar as an April Fools' joke.

Beast Boy grumbled something about people who couldn't take a joke.

"Are you sure the machine's are working?" Robin asked. He was already taking control of the situation, thinking of solutions and possible answers. It was that trait in him that made him the leader.

Cyborg nodded helplessly. "I even took them apart to check the circuitry. There's nothing wrong with them."

Robin glanced at the unmoving shape of Raven, her hair and cloak spread around her as she lay lifelessly on the hospital bed. There were a few wires here and there, the accused vital monitors. Her face was blank, her eyes closed.

Robin began to get that strange feeling again, the one that had made him kiss her the first time. The edgy Raven, always ready with a blank stare or witty remark was left defenseless. He frowned deeply at himself.

Raven was a teammate, and a friend. They'd never been very close. He didn't think anyone was close to Raven. They were the two levelheaded members of the team. She was his responsibility as a leader of the team, but she wasn't anything more than that.

He glanced out the door at Starfire, who was looking in with a concerned expression. He'd had this debate before, when Starfire had arrived, ignorant to all the customs of Earth. He had shown her and taught her what she needed to know. Her naiveté charmed him, as did her innocent belief in the goodness of other people. But he couldn't cross that line between friend, and something more.

He sighed. "Is there any way we can wake her up?"

Cyborg started to shake his head, but stopped suddenly. "Wait… there may be a way we can reach her… "

Beast Boy entered the room, pointing an accusing finger at his mechanical buddy. "Oh no you don't, Raven said it's not a toy, and for once, I agree with her. That place creeps me out."

"What?" Robin shifted between looking at Cyborg, who was glaring, and looking at Beast Boy, who was also glaring.

"Raven's mirror." Cyborg said, still challenging Beast Boy with his gaze. "It's a portal into a physical representation of Raven's mind. If BB can find her there, we might be able to help her."

"What? ME! No way, I am not going back in there!" Beast Boy raged sullenly.

"Come on man! You know where to go, since we've been there before, it may be the best chance we have to help her, and I have to stay here and work the equipment!" Cyborg gestured to the unconscious Raven, her contradictory vital signs drawing themselves on the screen beside her.

"Uh-uh, you are _not_ getting me in there!" Beast Boy cried.

"No." Robin interrupted their argument, a level of guilt and responsibility spurring him into action. "I'll go."

Both of them stared at him. "Robin, it'd be better if we-"

Robin cut him off. "No. This is my fault to begin with. I'll help her."

Cyborg stared at him, thinking. He knew he wouldn't be able to change Robin's mind. And Beast Boy would probably screw up anyhow, given his reputation and relationship with Raven. He sighed. "You sure?"

Robin nodded.

"All right BB, go get it." Beast Boy, looking immensely relieved, headed back up the stairs.

Robin stood beside Raven, determination on his face. "What do I need to know?"

Lunatic: Heh, since this feels like a climax, I guess I'll make it the climax. And so it starts DUN DUN DUN.

**Hm should I leave the next chapter until I get back on the 29th or shall I put it up for all of you? Hm, choices choices…**


	6. Anyone Say Deja'vu?

Lunatic: All right, I've thought the plot through a little more. This isn't exactly the climax; I've decided to drag it out agonizingly for your pleasure. (Cackles evilly and ignores Raven's glare.)

**Last time, I forgot a disclaimer. But we all knew what it was going to say. **

Robin looked suspiciously at the mirror that Beast Boy handed him. It was that decorative one that he had seen lying on Raven's dresser. He knew there'd been something about it he didn't like.

"So I just look into it?" He asked skeptically. Cyborg nodded.

"Remember, _stay away from the red guy._" Both Cyborg and Beast Boy gave this warning at the same time. "That's her temper." Cyborg concluded.

"Robin." Starfire came forward, taking one of his hands in hers. "I would like to wish you good fortune on your journey, and offer caution." She struggled with herself a moment, glancing at Raven who lay motionless on the sterile white sheets. "Our friend Raven is part demon, it would be unwise to battle her within her own realm. You must tread carefully."

Robin was a little surprised at the level of Starfire's concern. He was also fairly shocked to hear the news about Raven's parentage. He wondered breifly how she knew about it.

But it didn't change his responsibility.

"So that's why that big red dude was so ugly." Beast Boy said sarcastically.

Cyborg shrugged. "She said she had issues with her father." Though he hardly looked as if the news didn't faze him.

Robin pulled his hand away from Starfire's, nodding. "I'll be careful. Thanks." He gave her a reassuring smile, which she returned.

The mirror glimmered with a demonic malice, the spiked edges catching the overhead light and sending it back. His own face stared back at him with determination, waiting for something to happen.

"Nothing's- " He didn't get to finish his sentence because suddenly the room spiraled around him and he felt as if her were being dragged somewhere down below. The mirror drew him in, until his surroundings faded into darkness.

When Robin opened his eyes, he was on the ground. A pair of booted feet was in line of his vision, and not much else. He leapt agilely to his feet, taking in his surroundings and the person standing in front of him.

He stared. It was Raven. Except she was wearing yellow, her violet eyes glaring severely at him from behind large rimmed glasses.

"Raven! I came to wake you up, you're unconscious-" Raven held up her hand, her face still oddly stern.

"I'm not the one you want." She said darkly.

"What?" Cyborg and Beast Boy had only told him about the red-cloaked Raven, explaining that this was her anger. If that was true, then could there be others? Could there be different facets of her personality? If that was so, then this was obviously her logical self.

"Where is she?" He demanded harshly. The yellow-clad Raven tsked.

"Manners. " She directed him to a stone archway. "Through there."

It was erected over the stone pathway that he now stood on, which floated in a sea of red stars and blackness. Small ravens leered at him from the branches of stunted trees.

"Uh… thanks… I guess." He understood now, why Beast Boy wasn't keen on coming back here.

He stalked softly toward the arch, half expecting to run into the ominous figure of Raven's rage. Beyond the pillar of curved stone, he could see nothing but darkness. He stood at the threshold, and took a deep breath before stepping past it.

Around him were trees and blossoming flowers, though all of them seemed a little wilted. The place was eerily silent. For some reason, that seemed wrong to him.

"Hello?" He called softly. His two friends had told him that there would be various guides, to help him to his destination. Sure enough, a moment later a Raven in pink appeared.

"Hello!" She called happily. "She doesn't let us think about you much, I'm glad I get to see you for myself." He stared at her. Raven was never happy. It had never occurred to him that he might find a 'Happy' Raven here.

"I'm looking for her." He said instead.

"I know. Follow me!" She headed off down a path that was lined with slightly wilted flowers. After a moment, he followed her.

He spent his time observing the surroundings, ever watchful for danger. It wasn't like he expected an attack, but this place was strange and he didn't want to fall into a false sense of security.

"Relax!" Happy tittered gleefully. "If you want, I'll sing a song."

He stared at her with incredulity, one eyebrow raised. "I think I almost prefer the sullen, monotone Raven." He mumbled as 'Happy' began to sing off-key about flowers and sunshine.

They finally arrived at another archway, Robin holding his hands over his ears just to shut out her horrible singing. He sighed with immense relief to see that he would be leaving the realm of 'Happy'. She stopped him before he left, a less than joyful expression on her face.

"Do you want to know why my flowers are dying?" She asked.

He looked at her, then glanced at the crisp, dry grass beneath them. "Maybe."

"You." She put her finger on his chest. "I expect you to fix it." Then she pushed him, sending him stumbling through the archway in to the next realm. The last thing he saw was her smiling as she waved good-bye.

This time a figure in green greeted him. She grabbed his shoulder as he came stumbling out of the archway, disoriented and frustrated. He felt like he was being led around to no real end.

Green Raven was watching him like one might watch a potential threat. Her expression was ruthless. She let go of his shoulder, shoving him lightly. He got the distinct feeling that this Raven didn't like him either.

He opened his mouth to explain, but like Intelligence, she simply held up a hand.

"I know." She turned down the path. "Come on. You'll need my help."

He followed behind her, again taking in his surroundings. Something about the stillness made him worry. And why were all her personalities mad at him? He nearly ran into the green-cloaked Raven when she stopped.

Two stone monsters rose from the ground, growling menacingly. Robin was reminded of Cinderblock. He readied himself to fight.

The green Raven, obviously her more battle savvy self, leapt into the air and beat the two guardians into submission.

Robin watched her thoughtfully as this version of Raven dusted off her hands and gestured to the maze beyond. "Don't go to the door at the other end. Tell Sorrow that she's to take you to Elsewhere."

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"She'll know what you mean." She grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and made to throw him out. Before she did, she glowered darkly at him, as if accusing him of something. "Its your fault that this is happening. If she doesn't figure out how to restore the Balance, then you'll never make it out of here alive."

Eyes wide, Robin tried to stop and ask her what she meant by that, but he was thrown unceremoniously through the doorway. He landed harshly on his back, a little surprised by her strength. Instinctively, he jumped to his feet and turned back to face the arch, expecting to see Brave Raven, but there was only darkness.

He glowered darkly and brushed the dust from his cape. He was used to death threats, but the circumstances were a little different than your typical battle in the streets.

This time Robin was not greeted instantly by any form of Raven. "Hello?" He called out hesitantly.

The silence here was oppressing, and he felt that if he stayed here long, it would become maddening. He stared resolutely at the maze in front of him. From his vantage point at the top of a hill, he could see all the twists and turns of the maze below him. It didn't seem like anyone was coming.

With much trepidation, he proceeded down the pathway, looking left and right for signs of danger or approaching red-cloaked figures. Nothing changed. It made him nervous.

The entrance to the maze loomed above him. He was alone, with no guide to help him through it, and the silence was making him jumpy. He shook himself and started bravely forward.

"I wouldn't go in there alone." Said a tiny voice beside him. He jumped, and spun around to see a Raven in a dark gray cloak.

"You must be Sorrow." He said.

"Yes, please don't hate me, I was afraid to talk to you." She blushed, shuffling her feet. Robin was more taken aback by this meek, unhappy Raven than he had been by the happy version. Raven was confident, impenetrable and fairly resolute. This one seemed indecisive and fearful.

She noticed him staring at her. "I'm sorry." She squeaked. "I'll take you out now, to the Forbidden Door." She hurried forward into the maze, obviously expecting him to follow.

"Wait! You're not supposed to bring me there." He chased after her, and noticed that his voice did not echo like he thought it would. Instead, it seemed as if the high walls sucked in the sound and crushed it beneath their ominous weight.

The gray Raven stopped. "Not… to the Door?" She stared at him sadly.

"Yeah, the other one, she told me I'm supposed to go to… Elsewhere?" He was still very confused by all of this. The gray Raven sighed audibly.

"Yes." She walked to the wall beside them, and walked through it. He stared at where she had just been.

"What…?"

Her hand appeared, beckoning him to follow. He hesitated. Now he was going to walk through walls. Robin took a deep breath before stepping toward the wall and…

The world around him was filled with fog, devoid of any landmarks. The gray-cloaked figure stared longingly into the misty shadows.

"They're in there." She whispered, pointing fearfully. She glanced at him with a mixture of pity and embarrassment. "You have to find your own way now. If she wants you, you'll be able to find her."

Robin felt himself staring, wide-eyed at the fog, eerily reminiscent of his dream. A sob shattered the silvery stillness and he winced. He realized that 'Sorrow' was walking away from him, back to the wall.

"Wait-" But she was already gone. He sighed. "Great."

Cyborg took Raven's pulse again, noting that it had gotten faster. What was happening in there?

Raven was like a sister to him, someone he trusted. She had helped him with his car, and given him inspiration whenever he needed it. He had no doubt that this strange coma had something to do with the issue between her and Robin.

Beast Boy knocked gently on the door. "Any change?" He asked.

"Her pulse has gotten faster, but other than that, nothing." He smiled reassuringly at the green shape shifter. "Not worried are you?"

Beast Boy shrugged. "She's my friend, but I was not going to go back in her head."

Cyborg stretched. He'd bee sitting there, waiting for some sign of life in Raven, for hours. "Would you mind taking over for a bit, I need a break."

Beast Boy pouted. "Fine, but that means I get to make dinner."

"Oh no you don't-" Cyborg started, pointing a finger, "you'll make that tofu stuff!"

"Ok then, have fun with Raven." Beast Boy waved sinisterly, heading back to the stairs. Cyborg sighed.

"FINE! You can make dinner, but I'm taking as _long_ as I want!"

Robin felt as if he'd been searching the mist for hours. He wasn't sure how much time had actually passed, but his feet were beginning to hurt.

"Raven! Where are you?" He asked the stillness. Another tormented sob echoed through the drifting whiteness, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end. He had never heard so much misery in his life. But he could remember feeling it.

"Did I really do this?" He asked quietly. He felt guilty, horribly guilty, that he could be the cause of so much pain. It wasn't his fault that she had… fallen for him, but he had taken advantage of it. Another cry of pain rent the air.

"Raven!" He cried out desperately. The shadows were dancing around him, putting his instincts on edge and confusing his sense of direction. The sound of his friend in pain was tangling his emotions, weakening his resolve. The oppressive silence corroded his determination, creating flaws with doubts and self-loathing. Maybe he couldn't help her at all.

No. He had to find a way to fix this. Raven was his friend; she had helped the team in numerous instances and had always supported his decisions. He owed it to her to do something.

"Raven, show me where you are!" He shouted, eyes narrowed as he searched through the mists.

Suddenly they parted, and a sinister voice answered him. "I'm right here."

Lunatic: HAHA.

**I'm trying to make Robin a little less sappy, but he cares about his friends and you can tell he has an over-bearing urge to help and protect all of them. It's hard to convey him as non-sappy when he's in a situation that calls for insecurity. Ah well. So many reviews! (Falls over.) **


	7. Reflections of my Perfect Apathy

**Lunatic: Oh check this out, boo-yah.**

**My grandparents are letting me use their computer, so you all get a chapter! **

**I was floored by the amount of good reviews! I haven't had one flame, or even a critique. I'm almost starting to worry. Thank you all very much, and I hope continue updating in a timely fashion for you to enjoy. **

**We've been through this; they aren't mine.**

Beast Boy yawned, ears drooping. He was immensely bored. He cared about Raven, but sitting with the unconscious girl in the Med. Lab with nothing to do, was driving him crazy. The occasional blips from the monitors were not helping his mood.

"Cyborg better hurry up before I beat his big metal butt." The shape shifter whined half-heartedly.

He glanced at Raven, her condition quite unchanged. Except suddenly, the monitor for her heart rate increased, startling him.

"Uh-oh." He said nervously. Beside him, Raven grimaced. "What do I do!" He panicked. Beast Boy had a habit of doing that. "Cyborg will know." The shape shifter said out loud. "He has to." He paused suddenly, in the midst of dialing his mechanical friend. "Why am I talking to myself out loud?"

The sounds of a video game in the background met his ears when Cyborg answered his communicator, looking fairly disgruntled at being disturbed. "What? I told you I was taking as long as I want." He snapped.

"It's Raven, her heart thing got all blippy." Beast Boy whined. Cyborg's irritated expression vanished.

"I'll be right there."

Robin was in defensive mode the minute he spotted the speaker. While it was Raven's face who stared at him, it was unfamiliar with its four, glaring eyes and sinister smile. The cape that swirled around her legs was red.

"What's the matter? Aren't you happy to see me?" Her voice sounded like the cries of many, and he resisted the urge to shiver.

_What's the matter? Afraid of the dark?_

Dr. Light's horrible screams of submission as he vanished beneath her blue cape, echoed in his memories. This was the personality that had sent the villain to an insane asylum. He also remembered Starfire's words of caution, to avoid fighting within Raven's mind.

"Not really." He answered reluctantly. He had no idea how he was going to avoid fighting something that so obviously wanted him dead. It wouldn't need to be anything personal; he had come to the conclusion that this persona of Raven would kill simply because it suited her.

She pouted in a mocking fashion. "Robin, you've hurt me once again." Her eyes narrowed and the pout became an angry frown. "Don't you think you've done that enough lately?"

There was so much hatred in her voice, which echoed with evil. He felt his guilt and sadness once again, but did not let his guard down. She would strike the minute he did.

"I'm here to help her." He answered darkly.

"Don't be naïve, Robin." She spat. "You're only hurting her more. You're hurting all of us." As she spoke, he saw other shapes drifting in the shadows, forming a ring around him. He started to turn, trying to keep his eye on all of them at once.

"That isn't true." He said defensively. Though he didn't know why it wasn't.

"Isn't it?" She had vanished somewhere in the fog and her voice came from all around him. "You're torturing us with your presence. Even they've learned to hate you."

The other personalities were whispering, but he couldn't make out their words. They all sounded angry, mixed with the sound of their natural representations: happiness, sorrow, fear, bravery...

"But why?" He asked angrily. "I haven't done anything." He was finding it increasingly more difficult to focus on the figures around him. The fog seemed to deepen and throb with their anger and indignation.

"Liar!" Rage shouted out with all the intensity of her nature. Her face was suddenly inches from his own, scowling fiercely. "You led us on! You showed us what might have been and took it away! You tortured us with what we couldn't have!" The many facets, their colors blurring in the whiteness of the fog, echoed her screams.

Robin found himself stepping back from her, his defenses dropped as guilt battered his heart. He had never meant to hurt her, even as he was kissing her, showing her what he would never give her otherwise, he hadn't meant to hurt her. His eyes were wide with guilt and dawning horror as he turned, watching as all the colors bristled with hatred. Was the true Raven somewhere there among them?

Blackness enveloped his chest and pinned his arms to his sides. He didn't struggle, but looked down with detached befuddlement. The chaos of the colors, the fog, and his horror at what he had done unintentionally were making him slow to react.

It wasn't until he saw Rage's smiling face as she held him high in the air that he realized he _had _to fight. Raven would never live with herself if she killed one of her own, even if it was he. And he had to undo what he had done to her.

He struggled, gritting his teeth and trying to free one of his arms. If he could reach his belt, then he might be able to grab something to break her concentration. The Raven in red smiled.

"Struggle to fly little bird, _before I break your wings!_"

The blackness suddenly tightened, like ropes bound around him. He cried out in pain as breathing became near impossible. It felt as if the dark energy were trying to burrow into his flesh, crushing him beneath its efforts.

Somewhere he could hear screaming besides his own. The agony was so intense, that he hardly realized that it was Raven: somewhere still lost in the fog of her own misery and not among her other personalities. The thought, when it finally came to him, gave him strength.

"Raven!" He was gritting his teeth, fighting against the painful bonds. He had to get out of this and find her, somehow. Rage glared and curled her fingers into claws. The bonds tightened further.

He screamed, legs kicking as he desperately fought. The circulation in his chest and arms was slowing, his breathing coming short and rapid. If it continued, he would quickly fall unconscious. Even now blackness was creeping at the edges of his vision.

He cursed himself for being so stupid. If he had paid attention, if he hadn't of let her words get to him, he wouldn't be in this position, failing miserably against his friend's hatred.

"Raven..." There was little strength left in him as he realized the futility of his actions. These bonds existed in a realm that she controlled. Unless he could distract the red-cloaked figure, he would not be able to free himself.

The blackness closed in slowly.

"_I'm sorry._"

Raven was grimacing and twisting on her bed in the Med. Lab, as if something were binding her, crushing her slowly. She wouldn't move her arms, as if they were taped to her sides.

"What is she doing?" Beast Boy asked nervously. The look of pain and anger on her face was making him nervous.

"I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with Robin." Cyborg offered distractedly. He was checking to make sure she wasn't headed for anything more serious. So far, she seemed stable. The increase in heart rate was because of adrenaline, which he had no doubt was inspired by something happening in her head.

"Robin, I hope you know what you're doing." Cyborg whispered, not out of concern for Raven, but for the Boy Wonder himself.

It was in that moment, between conscious and unconscious, that Robin managed to open the compartment in his belt that housed explosives. Groaning, he withdrew one of the small spheres and threw it with a twist of his wrist.

If Robin had been awake, he would have seen the look of angry surprise on Rage's face as the explosion raised a cloud of dust and flame. She couldn't see her target, and her concentration, and therefore her grip on him, was lost.

"No!" She yelled, and the mirages that she had conjured faded. Robin fell, his body limp and bruised, and vanished in a portal of blackness. Rage whirled, red cloak fluttering, and headed in an unknown direction, her fists clenched.

Robin fell onto hard ground and winced as the little air left in his lungs was forced out. Gasping, he waited for his strength to return before he could get up and look for danger. He wasn't even sure how well he'd fair if attacked now. Where Rage's power had tried to crush him, he felt weak and painful.

When he finally felt like he could use his arms again, and his breath was coming a little regularly, he pushed himself off the ground and stood. He nearly fell over again when his oxygen-deprived mind swayed dangerously, but his cat-like instincts kept him steady.

He grit his teeth against the soreness of his arms and surveyed the setting. He was standing in the center of the mists. All around him the white haze waited, as if held back by revulsion. In the center of this odd display, was a towering black monolith.

At it's base, chained by her own black energy, was another Raven.

She was wearing white gold, and her head was bowed to her chest. She looked tired and slightly transparent. Her body was covered in lesions, scrapes and openly bleeding wounds.

He took a shaky step toward her. "Who are you?"

She looked up suddenly, startled by his voice. She smiled when she saw him, though it was a slow, sad smile. "I've imagined you before." Her expression changed and became pleasantly confused. He couldn't help thinking that she seemed a little insane. "But you've never been hurt before." She said slowly.

He was getting frustrated, going form place to place like this without really getting any closer to finding Raven. He had just been attacked and the pain had not yet faded, he was massaging one of his arms and remained hunched over his aching chest. Because of all this, he was sharp when he spoke to her. "Answer my question."

She blinked sadly. "My name is Raven, though she would have me deny it." She smiled helpfully at him. Her smile however, slowly faded. She looked away from him. "I'm her heart," she sighed, "and I'm dying."

Robin's face held a mixture of wide-eyed incredulity and sorrowful pity. If this was the representation of Raven's heart, then it was also the part of her that made her love him. The state she was in, had to be a reflection of how he'd been treating her. It was his fault that she was... dying.

"I'm sorry." He said, for the hundredth time. She looked again at him, as if slightly surprised.

"You aren't a fantasy, are you?"

He shook his head, and winced at the headache he was getting.

"Don't blame yourself, then. She's the one doing this." She said simply, and hung back against the monolith. "In fact if I remember correctly, she's the one who threatened to tear me out of her own chest." The broken figure looked at him and smiled against the misery of her words.

Robin could only watch her, caught between a need to move on and sympathy for this part of Raven that hurt the most. He had had no idea that she was suffering this much.

"If you're looking for her," she added, "she's on the other side."

Slowly, he realized that Raven's dying heart was talking about the other side of the monolith. He brightened, now that his goal was close at hand. Releasing his arm, he began to run toward Raven's promised position.

"Thank you!" He yelled gratefully.

Behind him, the shape of Raven's love began to cry.

(**Because I may not get on again, I shall continue rather than end it here. But know that I was going to! [Threatens with fist])**

Raven mirrored her heart on the other side of the monolith, her head hanging low against her chest, the same bleeding wounds marring the soft gray of her flesh. Robin slowed to a halt when he saw her, watching her sadly.

"Raven?" His soft, hesitant question seemed to echo loudly on the other side of the monolith. She didn't respond.

Kneeling beside her, he put a hand on her shoulder and leaned his head down so that he could see her face. "Raven?"

Her eyes fluttered wearily open. "What do you _want_?" It sounded like she'd asked the question many times, and never received an acceptable answer. It was frustrated and desperate.

She didn't even appear to see him.

"To help you, if you'll let me." She glanced at him then, the same apathy straightening her features.

"You can't."

He frowned at her. Many times he'd been given the impossible, and always he'd proved them wrong. He wasn't about to let that change. "How do I get you out of here?"

"You _can't_." She repeated firmly. His eyes narrowed.

"Why?"

"Because, I've done this to myself." She sighed and returned to staring limply at her lap.

"What?" A gust of wind took his voice and made it echo around and around the tall black structure. It sounded incredulous, and sad. "But Raven, why?"

She sighed with exasperation. "I didn't do this purposefully." She snapped. She was glaring at him. "This was completely unintentional."

The situation returned to being something he could handle, something he could fix. "What happened?" He demanded.

This time her sigh was tired. "My head and my heart have been against one another for a long time. While she agreed with me that I could not ever express emotions, for fear of Trigon's evil, it still didn't make her happy. It created a resentment of myself and my father." She lifted her head and gazed into the impenetrable fog. "And then, I- "her expression was stiff, unyielding, "-I... fell in love." She wasn't looking at him.

"With me." His voice resembled hers: monotone.

"Yes."

"That gave your heart... something to hold over you?" He tried hesitantly.

"In a manner of speaking. Love is a more powerful emotion than any other you may have met today. It inspires the others, and betrays me quite often. The stronger it becomes, the less I can control it."

"But how did that lead to this?" He pressed her. She glanced at him with a look that clearly scolded him for being so impatient.

"I tried stifling it instead, denying it existed. It worked, but at a very high price. Denying my own heart created so much pain and friction within the other emotions, that they grew stronger as a result. My powers were wildly out of control." She looked at the undulating fog, her face pained. "That was why I stayed in my room, to-"

"To protect us." He finished sadly.

For a while they sat in silence. He had more questions, like why was she chained to this monolith? How had she lost consciousness? Why hadn't she been eating? But he remembered her scolding glance, and chose to let her continue at her own pace. She obviously needed time to collect herself.

"I spent my time here, in Nevermore." She said darkly, voice had never changed from its usual monotone. "I was trying to discover how I could restore the Balance." Her face tightened with anger and sarcasm. "It seemed the only way I could do that would be to give my heart what it wanted, something I stubbornly refused to do, let alone acknowledge." She refused to look at him, and Robin could easily guess as to what the demands had been. He blushed and joined her in gazing stubbornly at the fog surrounding them. When she next spoke, it startled him.

"After our argument, I realized that hiding in my room and meditating wasn't helping to settle my emotions. I decided that perhaps acknowledging my... affection for you might help to soothe them and perhaps begin a process to... recovery." She leaned back against the monolith and sighed, her face lifted upwards toward the top of the spire. "Unfortunately, I didn't plan on the surge of power and emotion that would accompany it. I was unprepared, and weak from not eating. I couldn't control it, and I was sent here."

Robin was watching her thoughtfully, trying to lead himself to a plausible solution for getting her out of here. He could think about how much pain he had caused her when she was free from her own mind.

"Do you know how to get out of here?" He examined the bonds on her wrists; the shimmering blackness looked impenetrable.

"I have... theories." She said hesitantly. She wasn't looking at him again.

He paused from his examining, sensing the tone in her voice. "...What?"

"I'm assuming I am a reflection of her, of my... heart?" He nodded in answer. Raven cringed. "Then I have to release _her. _This is all a hypothetical representation. My mind enjoys ironic circumstances in which it can teach me a lesson."

"I think I understand. By binding her, you've denied yourself, and that leads to both of you being chained. No matter how much you want to, you can't change the fact that your heart is still a part of you." She was watching him with an appraising, if not dry expression. He smiled. "So how do I get you out of here?"

Cyborg, Starfire and Beast Boy had gathered in the Med. Lab for the night, waiting for a change in Raven's condition. Beast Boy's lame jokes were keeping Cyborg from sleeping, along with his worry. Starfire was doing her best to understand the horrible attempts at comedy.

"But why does this person knock on the door?" She tried again. Beast Boy sighed, and gave up.

"Never mind Star, it's not important." Cyborg said gently. They were all worried. Both of their friends were in danger.

It made for a very restless night.

"You guys never think my jokes are funny." Beast Boy pouted.

"Dude, that's because they aren't." Cyborg responded angrily. He was stressed, and tired, and Beast Boy was seriously rubbing his nerves wrong. "And what was that plastic you made for dinner?" He snapped, as his stomach growled offensively at the memory.

"It wasn't plastic, it was _tofu_." Beast Boy responded defensively.

"I know that, I'm asking why you tried to feed it to us! That stuff obviously wasn't meant for eating!"

"Man, just because you eat meat doesn't mean you have to insult the fact that I don't!" He replied angrily.

"Yeah, _I eat meat_. So why do you keep trying to feed me crap that obviously isn't?" Cyborg yelled.

Starfire came between them, looking distraught. "Friends, please! We mustn't fight, our friends would be most displeased."

"Yes, we would Star."

Starfire gasped, and spun toward the door, where Robin was standing. He looked disheveled, and was rubbing his left shoulder. Cyborg and Beast Boy recovered first.

"Robin! Man, what happened? Is she ok?" Cyborg said eagerly.

"Too much to explain now. Where's the mirror?" Robin said quickly. Beast Boy brought it to him.

"Friend, I wish to know how Raven is doing." Starfire interrupted sternly. The three boys glanced at her, a little surprised by her tone. Starfire blushed. "I am worried for her."

"She's fine Star," he smiled, "she'll be here soon."

All of them stared at him, uncomprehending. "Uhm... dude she's right there." Beast Boy pointed to Raven's limp, unconscious shape, breathing shallowly in the darkness.

"I know." Robin continued sternly. "But I mean she's going to come out of it. You guys should go, she asked me to make sure that this," he held up the mirror, "was somewhere safe, as well as you three."

The other Titans were a little slow to react. "She's gonna be OK?" Cyborg said hesitantly. Robin nodded.

"What about you?" Beast Boy asked suspiciously.

"I'll stay here." Robin's face closed, becoming expressionless and indifferent. The subject was closed. "Go."

Starfire hesitated on the stairs, looking back at Robin with concern. She had never seen such a lack of emotion on his face. He was hiding something from them.

"Come on Star, you heard the man." Cyborg pulled her up the stairs, and she reluctantly followed.

Robin sighed, relieved that they had actually left. He didn't want them to see what had to happen in order to free Raven's heart. He had to give her the opportunity to feel what she wanted to feel. He had to give her what she wanted. In the midst of that lie, before her heart could realize it for its falsity, both Raven and her Love would be released and Raven would destroy the monolith. She would awaken.

They had no idea what the consequences would be.

The mirror would create a connection between Raven's mind and her body; otherwise she would never know when he did his part of the plan. The dark, deceptive looking glass glowered in his clenched fist.

Taking a deep breath, Robin stepped up to Raven's hospital bed. On the white sheets was her unconscious body, unchanged. The dark blue of her cloak was made black in the dimmed lights, the violet of her hair made ebony as it spread around the pale round shape of her face.

Her expression was peaceful, neither apathetic nor joyful. Without her conscious barriers of emotionless expressions and cynicism, Raven appeared vulnerable and beautiful in her own subtle way, like the rose that had hid its thorns for the day.

That desire was rising in his chest again, making his breath shallow.

He understood Raven more than he ever had. Probably more than anyone else ever had as well. She was like his mentor, but with a difference. Batman chose to hide himself in the frozen lair of his home, and perhaps he didn't feel at all, but Raven had these emotions, as strongly as anyone else, and had no choice but to suppress them. The sad sacrifice of it only strengthened his strange affinity for her.

Beneath the longing he felt as he looked at her apparently sleeping face, he also felt a rising expectancy. Raven had told him to expect the worst: her powers may go wildly out of control and threaten everyone in the tower. Danger was Robin's life (another reason they would be perfect!! Ahem); he loved the thrill of it, the uncertainty of battle. Knowing that what he was about to do, and what it could cause, he couldn't help but feel a tingle of excitement.

His hands shook imperceptibly with adrenaline as he leaned in and kissed her for the second time. As was to be expected, there was no response, but he felt a tension spread from the point of contact, down her body. It seemed to continue, out into the room and into the air in sweeping, black strokes.

He opened his eyes and saw that everything around him was black, several objects hovering dangerously. It lasted for a second before suddenly the blackness seemed to explode on itself, devouring and dropping things all over the floor.

A groan from beneath his lips made him pull away, so that their noses were gently touching. Raven's eyes fluttered open, looking glazed as she glanced around. Her violet orbs found his behind his mask and they gazed for a moment into each other. In her eyes, there was nothing.

She put both of her palms flat against his chest and pushed him. He stumbled back, faintly surprised. He had expected many things, but not total apathy.

She sat up, rubbing her head. It felt like something had exploded there. Which technically, wasn't untrue.

"I think it's best if we stay away from one another." She said coldly. Her boots made a soft noise against the linoleum as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood. Seeing the slightly confused expression on his face, she sighed and explained. "I don't know how well I'll be able to control it, if at all. The closer you are, the stronger it is." Her voice was brisk, emotionless.

He nodded, and returned her apathy. All of this, the things that had happened between them, meant nothing. He had simply been helping a teammate and rectifying his mistakes. That was all.

But he had to ask himself, was it really?

**Lunatic: Oh dun, dun, dun. It's not over folks. Haha I wish Porky would say that one day. **

**So what did you all think?**


	8. The Morning After

Lunatic: I would like to offer thanks to all of you who waited patiently and to the lovely reviewers.

**Ok I would just like to explain something. **

**In my version of Raven's Nevermore, Raven (the blue one) inside her mind, is a representation of her entire consciousness. This should include her heart. When she denied her love for Robin, her heart and her mind fractured to become Blue Raven and White Gold Raven. This created the shift in the Balance and caused her other emotions to get stronger etc. etc. So there should NOT have been a white gold version, that was the whole problem, see?**

That night, Raven remained in the Med. Lab, by Cyborg's command. The other Titans were very enthused to see her, even Beast Boy leapt forward to offer a hug. She had been mildly surprised by their level of concern.

In the darkness of the proceeding night Raven was left alone with the medical facilities and various equipment blinking wearily in the darkness. She gazed blankly at the multi-colored blips, silently contemplating the weeks behind her. How quickly everything had come about, and yet the agony had made it seem so slow.

She rolled onto her side, debating whether or not it was worth staying.

Her logical self told her that the issue with her heart should be resolved, the balance restored and her emotions settled now that she had reabsorbed her softer, more vulnerable self. She now felt to the fullest extent her love for Robin.

She didn't believe that it helped at all.

Even if her emotions were no longer out of control and unbalanced due to the split in her consciousness, she was still in love. And that was one thing she could never safely indulge in. It was like a pitiless cycle: even if she did satisfy her heart and acknowledge her feelings, she could still never act on them and that created the same rift between her and her heart.

Leaving again was not an option. At least, not until she truly experimented with the consequences of recent events. If she was to honestly believe that she was a threat, then she needed to prove it. If she could indeed control her emotions around Robin, then she could remain a valuable member of the Teen Titans. Nothing more. If she became a hindrance rather than an aid, then she would be forced to abandon her life at the Tower once again.

All she had to do was keep away from Robin.

Within her, she felt the fire of her Rage get hotter. Part of her desperately wanted to blame Robin for everything, part of her wanted to hate him for everything he had ever done to make her love him.

_"Why him?" She whispered desperately. _

"Because," the reflection of her raised its head and looked at the true Raven, their noses barely touching, "he is everything… you are not."

Sighing, Raven summoned around her a more complete darkness than the shadows of the Med. Lab and teleported to the roof. There, she might find a calmer setting, and find out what time it was. She needed fresh air.

Starfire was easily the most joyous member of the Teen Titans. She had a cheerful, loving heart and wasn't as dumb as she looked. In fact, she could be rather perceptive.

This being so, Starfire had begun to realize that there was more between Robin and Raven than was being said. It worried her, and inspired within her an ugly flame of jealousy. Such things happen when one is in love.

She paced within her room, hands clasped not in front of her chest, but behind her back. It was an unusual state for Starfire to be in. Generally the young Tamaranian would be hanging her head off the end of her soft, round bed, snoring soundly at this hour. But her troubles were keeping her awake.

She contemplated going to Robin's room and awaking him. She wanted answers and she trusted that Robin would be an accurate source from which to receive them. But she couldn't bring herself to disturb him at five in the morning. He worked so hard, and had obviously been through much within Raven's dark mind.

Instead, Starfire headed to the Med. Lab. She was certain that Raven would be awake: the dark girl never slept later than necessary. Perhaps the silent, isolated Titan would be willing to relieve Starfire's mind of its troublesome assumptions.

Raven relished a deep breath of fresh air as the darkness faded around her and revealed the slight tinge of dawn on the horizon. A faint cerulean color was leaking into the edge of the world, creating a domed illusion on the sky.

Around her, the water lapped sleepily on the Tower's rocky base and the citizens under her protection slept on. Raven, reminded of this duty, sighed and paced to the edge of the roof.

A predawn mist made the ledge wet and the air felt heavy with cool sleep. Raven felt soothed, and her mind cleared considerably.

She could survive without having Robin as a lover, if only she concentrated on what was truly important. She was alive, and her friends were safe beneath her feet in various states of slumber. She had a home, and although she must sacrifice much for it, she was happy.

She smiled gently at the warming horizon, marveling at the simplicity of her thoughts. The calm and the gentle breeze, the cool color of the sky: all of it helped to brush away her troubles with the utmost ease.

She had just relaxed into the simple joy of the moment, when the door to the roof opened with an urgent slam. If she hadn't taught herself not to, she might have jumped. Instead she searched the aura behind her, and was a little surprised to find that Starfire was shaking worriedly behind her.

"Starfire?" She asked, turning around to face her friend. "What's wrong?" The look on the Tamaranian's face was most unusual. It consisted of relief, abating fear, and anticipation.

Starfire floated forward with amazing speed and crushed the half-demon in a hug. "Oh friend Raven! I was most worried!"

"Uhm…" She waited with cool bemusement until Starfire finally let her breath again to ask her next question. "Why?"

"I went to the 'Lab of Healing and Medicines' to see you. When I discovered that you were not there, I became… concerned." Now the red head stared at the ground, as if ashamed of what she had been worried about.

"No, Star. I don't plan on running out again."

_Not for now at least. _She thought separately.

"I am… glad." Starfire's face was conflicted, as if something were still troubling her. Raven was in no mood to dig into her friend's mind. She turned back to the sky, and waited patiently for Starfire to collect herself.

Starfire joined her at the ledge, the morning wind tugging playfully at her long, cherry-red hair.

"Friend, Raven?" She bit her lip. "May we do the 'girl-talk'?"

Raven spared the lighter girl a dark glance, irritated. "Now, Star?"

The alien girl only seemed to become more determined as she answered. "Yes, I must speak with you now." She said firmly.

"What about?" Raven sighed, resigning herself. She would have no more peaceful contemplation with the twilight.

"Robin."

Raven's heart constricted considerably, and she felt light-headed. Surely there was no more blood reaching her brain, not with these invisible hands holding her chest. She closed her eyes briefly, and adopted a forced calm.

"Yes?"

Again Starfire chewed her lip, green eyes never leaving the mysterious shape of her friend. Raven didn't meet her gaze, but continued to stare apathetically at the slowly rising sun.

"I wish to know… what is between you and friend Robin?" She asked, her voice getting stronger as she went on.

"Nothing Starfire. Robin is a friend, and leader." The dark teen recited monotonously.

"You are sure? There is nothing more than this?" Starfire pressed.

Raven was shivering with tension, trying to keep her cool. Denying this was going against everything that she had just spent a month trying to fix. She felt her newfound stability crumbling. When she answered, she was sharp, and fairly frantic.

"NO. There is nothing between us Starfire." She hissed.

"Glorious!" Starfire jumped, and clapped her hands, oblivious. "I am sorry if I have offended you with these assumptions." Starfire said brightly, and touched her shoulder briefly as she returned inside.

Raven shuddered, concentrating everything on keeping her powers in check. She closed her eyes and chanted: Azarath, Metrion, Zhinthos. Azarath Metrion, Zhinthos.

"I'm sorry." She whispered to no one in particular.

When Raven finally made it to the living room hours later, the other Titans had already argued, ruined, remade and eaten their breakfast. Cyborg and Beast Boy were once again fighting over the controller to their favorite video game. Starfire and Robin were exploring a board game, the pieces spread out over the table and Starfire reading the instructions upside down. Raven tried to find that optimism that she had been so briefly acquainted with on the roof, but it had long since fled her.

She avoided looking for too long at the pair trying to set up the board game. Starfire was a kind girl, if not overly exuberant with her optimism. Robin seemed genuinely happy around her, rather than aggravated and confused.

Shaking her head at her own self-pity, Raven headed to the kitchen. She needed tea; most definitely she needed tea.

She searched the cupboards for her favorite mug. "Beast Boy did you use my mug again?" She never dared ask for what.

"Mmf." The green shape shifter replied, around a handful of snacks. She glared angrily at the back of his head.

She was about to levitate him off the couch when she noticed Robin watching her. The lamp over the kitchen sink exploded before she could stop it.

"Geez Raven I'm sorry!" Beast Boy interjected, obviously mistakenly assuming her outburst was caused by his insufficient reply. "It's in the dishwasher!" He shouted distractedly.

She tore her eyes away from Robin's, nonchalantly grabbing the black mug from the dishwasher and putting a kettle on the stove. While she waited for the water to boil, she tried desperately not to feel the masked eyes boring into her back.

_So much for that. _She thought darkly. Obviously her powers could not be contained when Robin was around. She was a threat once more.

The piercing whistle of boiling water made her jump. Frowning, she made her tea and took her usual spot in the corner with her book. She never read a word of it.

"Robin? It is your turn." Starfire said gently.

They had finally managed to get the game under way, when Robin took the instructions from the Tamaranian and read them himself. He jerked out of his trance, and looked at the board. Why had he ever agreed to play Monopoly?

Rolling the dice, he moved his metal piece (the dog yay!) the number of spaces.

"Uhm… Robin, that is four spaces too many." His companion corrected, moving the piece back. Robin blushed.

"Ah sorry. I wasn't paying attention." He said sincerely, this being the honest truth. Since Raven had come into the room, he hadn't been able to concentrate at all.

"Friend Robin, is something troubling you?" Starfire queried, forgetting about the game for the moment. Robin chanced a glance at Raven. She hadn't turned the page in close to thirty minutes.

"No. I'm fine." He said, shaking his head. He'd talk to Raven later, when there were no prying ears around. Starfire beamed at his reply.

"I am glad then." She said enthusiastically. She then purchased a large amount of real estate. Robin focused as best he could on the game, sensing that victory was at hand.

An hour later, Robin could be found glowering sourly as the boy wonder stalked the hallway toward Raven's room, the sting of defeat grating his nerves. Robin hated losing more than anything else. He still had no idea how she did it either.

Good thing I'm not a business man like Bruce. I don't know anything about that sort of thing.

He stopped in front of the door that emanated darkness and foreboding. Even if he had never been in Titans' Tower before, he still would have known that this was Raven's room. It just gave a creepy impression, much like its owner.

Sometime during his game with Starfire, Raven had run off. He didn't expect to catch her in the living room anyways: Cyborg and Beast Boy never left the gaming system longer than they had to. He gulped and prepared to knock.

"_What_?"

Startled by her abrupt appearance and her sharp tone, he stood there with his fist raised in the air and stared at her. "Uh…"

She stared at him in reply, one eyebrow raised expectantly. "Well? It took you long enough already to knock."

"What?" He let his fist fall to his side, chiding himself at forgetting her tendency toward the uncanny and unpredictable.

"You've been pacing outside my room for ten minutes. I could hear you grumbling to yourself." She explained darkly. Her hood was up around her eyes, shadowing her face with its usual mystery.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said, ignoring the fact that he'd been pacing again. He could see the way her eyes narrowed, whether out of suspicion or plain dislike.

"Obviously." Sarcasm dripped on the word like water off ice. He glared at her, even though he was used to this behavior. Why did he think he deserved a little better?

"I'm serious Raven. I… I want to know exactly what's going to happen from now on." He couldn't bring himself to mention what was really distracting him. What was he so afraid of?

He was afraid she was going to leave again.

Raven opened the door a little further, allowing him to see her fully. He caught a glimpse of the room behind him before she grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.

"I'll tell you." She hissed angrily.

Robin, trained so well as a cautious fighter, discreetly surveyed the room by habit. Everything seemed to be repaired. It no longer looked like a bomb had gone off; the dark decorations and patterns were restored to their former glory. He remembered her talent for fixing things with her telekinesis; it had come in handy more than once.

"Well?" He demanded, freed from her grip. She stood in front of him, hidden beneath that damned cloak, her eyes narrowed.

"We're not going to talk about it, and we're not going to act any differently. Which means you'll stay away from me. Your coming to me to satisfy your curiosity _is not worth the risk_."

"The risk of what?" He snapped. He was offended by her tone and the way she seemed to be addressing him as if he were a child.

"If I lose control: everything."

She spun away from him, back to her bed where he guessed she had been meditating. He couldn't leave it like this, but he didn't know how he could stop her without touching on that risk she was so fond of warning him about.

"Get out of my room." She said tonelessly, climbing onto the bed and assuming her lotus position. He watched her, unmoved. He couldn't make himself leave, not yet and not on her terms. Finally, she opened an eye to glare at him.

"Robin, I said get out."

"Why are you acting like this?" He asked angrily. He felt the tension spreading through the room, like baited breath.

"Like what?" She replied in the same aggravating monotone. "Ask Beast Boy: I always act like this." He tried to imagine the tinge of regret in her voice, and felt that it didn't fit with her heartless exterior.

"You know what I mean." He spat instead.

"No." She got off her bed, and he could see the anger running through every line and movement of her body. She strode toward him, and he tensed as she stopped inches from him. "I don't know what you mean, Robin." There was nothing in her voice, but behind them, a vase exploded.

"THIS!" He gestured heatedly toward the shattered glass. "Your powers, your attitude; why are you acting like you hate me?" He yelled.

"Should I have a reason not to?"

He stared at her. This was too reminiscent of- how could she say that? Hadn't he just done everything he could to help her out? Hadn't he risked his own life and faced all of her fears in order to save her? He could almost see the red cloak on her shoulders, the hateful expression on her face. In reality, there was nothing there. There was never anything there.

"I don't understand you Raven." He shook his head, eyes narrowed in hurt and confusion.

"That's the difference between us." She snapped. "You're an idiot."

"I don't know why you're doing this."

"I'm not doing anything Robin. I told you to stay away from me and I meant that."

"I'm NOT going to just walk away from this!" He yelled. The only thing was, he had no idea why this was so.

"ROBIN. It's not like you have anything to lose!" She shouted back.

"That ISN'T true! I-"

"Robin?"

Both Titans whipped around to see Starfire standing in the open doorway, hands clasped in front of her chest. Her expression wasn't kind and confused: it was angry and suspicious.

"Friend Robin, what is going on?"

ALTERNATE ENDING Y'ALL!

(I had to. I mean, her draggin him in there…? Come on.)

Raven opened the door a little further, allowing him to see her fully. He caught a glimpse of the room behind him before she grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.

"I'll tell you." She hissed.

Robin barely had time to realize that the door had slid shut behind him before he suddenly found himself with his back against the wall, thrown by dark telekinesis. He stared at her in shock, masked eyes wide. She pressed herself against him and he was accutely aware of certain parts of her body where they touched his.

"Raven?" He asked tentatively. What was she-?

She put a finger to his lips and smiled discreetly. "Shhh," She whispered, her breath trickling down his neck, "let me tell you."

She began to gently tease him with her lips, pushing aside the fabric of his cape to reach the sensitive skin beneath. He shivered, a light-headed sensation numbing his senses to anything else but her.

Raven's mouth found his, and she began to kiss him in earnest. She was aggressive, deftly using her tongue to part his lips. Robin found himself kissing her back, removing his hands from the wall where they had been supporting him and putting them on her hips.

She smiled against his lips and tangled her fingers in his hair. Their bodies pressed close together, the intoxicating scent of lavendar all around him; Robin found he couldn't think straight. He was shaking again, his fingers caressing the curves of her body.

Suddenly she broke the kiss. Robin opened his eyes blearily, confused. She smiled deviously and a moment later they were enclosed in darkness. She deposited them on her bed, the dark covers spread around them.

She straddled his waist, her violet hair hanging down around her face as she watched him struggle to regain control of himself.

"Raven, I-" Again she put her finger to his lips, silencing him. She ran her hands over his chest, leaning forward to kiss him again.

Robin eagerly accepted her, giving up on reason. He wrapped his hands around her shoulders and pulled her forward, deepening the kiss. She moaned gently, her fingers tangling in his hair.

Again she stopped, smiling at him with wide eyes. "Robin! Is that a bird-a-rang in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Robin stared at her, blushing profusely. He didn't have a chance to retort because her mouth was on his again, slow and passionate. He closed his eyes, whimpering slightly when she moved her hips against him. He face was flushed again, but not from embarassment. He groaned again, feeling the curves of her body when suddenly:

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

Both Raven and Robin leapt, Raven off of his waist and Robin into a sitting position at the end of the bed. He didn't dare stand up. Damn these spandex pants. (Haha. Serves you right.)

Starfire stood in the doorway, her face flushed with anger and embrassment.

"Friend Raven! You have lied to me! You LIED!" She screamed angrily, small tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She didn't even dare look at Robin.

Raven had the decency to blush, looking at the ground.

"You are a manipulative, sneaking, back-stabbing, unfriendly person! You are a- a- a-" She ranted several Tamaranian words (to spare my poor spell check) some of which Raven obviously recognized because she gasped and stared in shock.

Starfire stormed out of the room, her hair flying around her.

"Star! Wait-" Robin sighed, realizing that his interference with her right now would be a bad idea. "What did she say exactly?" He asked Raven.

Raven didn't answer at first, still staring at the empty doorway. Her eyes flickered to Robin. "I- " Her face constricted, looking pained and stunned. "I didn't even know she _knew_ those insults…"

"What?" He asked.

She shook her head and stood. "Get out of my room Robin." She answered coolly. Robin stared at her. Back to square one?

When he didn't move she rounded on him, four red eyes glaring at him from beneath her cowl. "I SAID GO!"

Robin ran, and stood panting in the hallway, wondering how everything had gone so right and then so wrong, so soon.

**Lunatic: Man, now I have to up the rating. But I love that alternate ending hahaha! Now the 'shut-up-and-kiss-already's (if I have any) will be happy!**

** Yes, I know exactly what's going on (finally!). **


	9. Masked Charade, We're all the Same

Lunatic: Well lots of response to the eighth chapter. This makes me happy. I'd like to respond to some of you.

**Idoliar: Does this answer your question?**

**KatFay: The first of course. The second was just a treat for all those people just begging for them to make out already. It's way too out of character for it to be the real ending to that chapter. **

**Peace215: Well there are some secretive undertones in that chapter that I didn't even mention because I want them to be secretive. They'll be revealed here. In my version (and most of my other Rae/Rob stories too) Robin thinks of Starfire as more of a sister than anything else. He likes to protect her and she means a lot to him. But he used to like her, but decided not to cross that line between friendship and something more. That was part of his debate with himself concerning Raven. **

**He isn't really aware that he has feelings for Raven. He just thinks its hormones and leaderly concern that makes him go to talk to her. He's afraid she'll leave again (because of her powers acting up that morning) if he doesn't talk it out with her but her reaction to him made him angry before he could mention this. So they started fighting. **

**So most of your assumptions were correct. I love the long reviews; they make me happy. 'Cause I like talking out the theories hehe. **

**Disclaimer: Yeah I forgot it again but as said before, we all knew what it would say now didn't we. **

The three of them remained frozen, Robin and Raven looking at the angry Starfire much like deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. Raven's anger hadn't faded in the midst of her surprise and under its fiery inclination she was the first to recover.

"Nothing Starfire. We were just having a disagreement." She gave Robin a pointed glare, her expression hidden by the dark blue of her cowl. Starfire seemed unsatisfied with this answer.

"I am addressing friend Robin." She responded stiffly, also glaring at the boy wonder. Robin, for his part, had begun to wonder why all the women in his life hated him.

"She's right Star. We were just arguing." He told her firmly. The last thing he needed was for Starfire to find out about Raven's feelings for him, if they still existed. This would only make Raven angrier.

"This argument is of usual occurrence? It is typical of 'room mates'?" The Tamaranian offered quietly, referring of course to how the Titans usually got on each other's nerves during the day. Robin faltered.

"Well, I- I suppose you could say that. I mean-"

"Yes Starfire. We were just arguing like usual." Raven interrupted darkly. She was in no mood for Robin to get soft about misleading the redhead. Starfire wasn't stupid, it was bad enough she suspected anything: she didn't need anything more to confirm her suspicions. "Now both of you: get out of my room."

Neither of them moved. Both had something they wanted to say to the half-demon. Raven glared at them each until Robin finally sighed.

"I think I'll go see what Cyborg and Beast Boy are doing." He sidled past Starfire in the doorway, pausing a moment to give Raven a meaningful glance.

She ignored both the Tamaranian and the boy wonder, and headed toward her window. Outside, the sun was high, creating late afternoon shadows and the water to shine with blinding white ripples. Raven's eyes squinted against the light. One day she'd find a way to make her room less dark when it came to lighting.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire's voice behind her was neither kind nor cold. "I would like to do the 'girl talk'."

"I know Star."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Robin made his way to the living room where he could hear the sounds of a racing game going on. Sure enough, on the couch Beast Boy and Cyborg leaned from side to side, imitating the movements of the computer-generated vehicles. Cyborg's blue racer was playing chicken with Beast Boy's green one.

"Come on that's cheating!" The shape shifter whined as Robin sat beside him.

"No it ain't." Cyborg replied calmly, grinning. "You're just saying that because I'm about to beat your high score."

"No way!" The smallest Titan furiously pressed the various buttons on the controller and his car sped ahead, passing the blue one by miles. Cyborg cried out in outrage.

"Hey! No Nitro!" Beast Boy stuck out his tongue at the mechanic. Cyborg took the moment to click in his own cheat code and plunged after the green car. The two were neck and neck. "Prepare to lose!"

"I don't think so!"  
"Oh yeah, check this out! Boo yah!"

"Oh no you don't, I am so gonna-"

"Hey! That was unfair!"

"Was not!"

"You only say that cause you're not the one who's a smoking pile of ruin on the curb!"

"Not my fault you can't drive."

"WHAT?" Cyborg stared angrily at the shape shifter, enraged that anyone would call him a bad driver. It was then that he noticed Robin sitting glumly beside Beast Boy. The expression on the boy wonder's face made him momentarily forget his outrage. "Hey man, what's up?"

"Huh?" Beast Boy turned around and noticed the team leader for the first time also. "Oh hey Rob…in?"

Robin, shaking his head had stood and begun to walk away. Their carefree banter was depressing him, causing him to dwell on his confusion and his anger. What was he supposed to do? Just walk away from her and leave her alone? Yes. So why couldn't he do that?

"Hey man, sit your butt back down." Cyborg's metallic arm came from nowhere and dragged the masked boy back into his seat, frowning. Robin glared at him.

"Really, Cyborg I'm fine." He snapped. Both Beast Boy and Cyborg gave him looks that obviously stated they didn't believe him.

"Right." Beast Boy said sarcastically. "This coming form the guy who-" Cyborg's hand covered the other boy's mouth before he said something really stupid.

"What he means is: something is obviously wrong, man. You look like someone died."

"Or like Slade just announced his love for you." Beast Boy blurted, free from Cyborg's hand. Both the other boys gave him a look of stunned incredulity. "…What?"

Cyborg, shaking his head, decided to ignore the eccentric joker. "Seriously: spill Robin. What's going on with you and Raven?"

Robin turned from staring horrified at Beast Boy to stare at Cyborg. "There's nothing between me and Raven." He said too quickly.

"Like I said, there obviously is. With the way you two have been acting, anyone could come to the logical conclusion that-"

"YOU ARE A LYING BLORNAX!"

"Not quite what I had in mind but…" Cyborg and the other boys stood, heading toward where the shout had come from. A furious Starfire met them at the door, her eyes lit with green flame.

"Starfire! What-?" She pushed past them, toward the kitchen. She needed Pudding, lots of Pudding.

In the shadows of the hallway, stood a very apathetic Raven.

She gave Robin a long, meaningful stare before the darkness suddenly swallowed her whole. She had teleported somewhere.

Cyborg had gone after Starfire, looking concerned. "Starfire what happened?"

The usually genial girl spun around, and yelled at him. "SHE LIED TO ME! SHE IS A TERRIBLE, UNFRIENDLY PERSON."

The three boys shrank back in the face of a woman's fury. A normal woman was enough to take down any man, but a super powered alien woman? They shivered.

"Starfire… what did she tell you?" Robin asked cautiously.

Starfire took a deep, calming breath, and glared sadly at her best friend. "I asked Raven what she truly felt for you. She has told me of her great affection for you. She is a liar."

"You mean she doesn't lo- like me?"

"No." The Tamaranian turned back to her pudding, stirring the mix with too much enthusiasm. "When I confronted our friend earlier about her relationship with you, she insisted that there was nothing more than friendship. She lied."

"But, Starfire, Raven has a right to love who she wants. Why are you angry at her for that?" Robin didn't understand where her righteous fury was coming from. He could understand her being jealous and perhaps hurt by the lie, but he couldn't understand why she was this angry.

"RAVEN LOVES ROBIN?" Beast Boy shouted, staring at them. Cyborg shook his head sadly and slapped the shape shifter into silence. The others ignored him.

"That is true." The alien said softly, her stirring ceased. "But recent events have lead me to unpleasant conclusions."

"See, that's what I was saying." Cyborg interjected. Robin glared at him.

"I don't understand."

"That makes two of us." Beast Boy said, aggravated. He was looking between Starfire and Robin with annoyance and confusion, rubbing the back of his head.

"Robin, you and Raven have been acting pretty strange. Ever since she came back. And you said yourself that it was your fault she hid in her room for a month. It's not exactly a mystery that you two have been up to something." Cyborg explained calmly. How could he make it sound so simple? It was more than just acting strange.

"This 'something' is what brings me anger, friend Robin." Starfire added tersely.

"You think that we've-?"

"No. I believe that she has tried to seduce you. Of this, I do not approve." Everyone knew how possessive the Tamaranian was of Robin, but they were all staring at her with shock. Raven? Seduce someone? Even to Cyborg, that sounded a bit far-fetched.

"But Starfire, Raven hasn't done anything of the kind." Robin said incredulously, eyes wide. "If anything, she's been pushing me away."

Starfire spun around, looking shocked by this information. "You mean she has not- what is it? 'Put the moves' on you?"

Robin smiled, blushing slightly. Beast Boy laughed out loud. "No Starfire. She hasn't done anything." His smile became a frown and he ran a hand through his hair. "She's acting like she hates me."

"Raven! Put the moves on! HAHA!" Beast Boy rolled past them on the floor, gasping in fits of hilarity.

Starfire gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. "Friend Raven did not tell me this! She allowed me to treat her like a rude, horrible finbag! How could I have allowed myself to act in such a terrible way?" She cried miserably.

"It's ok Star, I'm sure Raven understands." Cyborg said gently.

"Speaking of which, where did she go?" Beast Boy wondered aloud, holding his side. He had a stitch from laughing so hard.

"She was in the hallway, I saw her teleport some- oh no." Robin ran to the door, the others glancing at each other behind him.

"Robin what are you thinking?" Cyborg asked, chasing after their friend. Starfire and Beast Boy followed behind.

The door to the roof burst open in the front of them, courtesy of Robin's foot. Around them, a desolate breeze blew from the water. It was empty.

"Damn." Robin cursed angrily. "She left."

"How do you know? Maybe she's just-"

"No. She's hurt because Starfire is angry with her and she was already having trouble with her powers because of me. She'll have left because she thinks she's a danger." Robin explained darkly, staring out at the glittering horizon. The sun still hung low in the sky, the warm afternoon cooled by the water around the Tower. The Titans were isolated from the soft gold glow of the day by their apparent misery.

"She is gone?" Starfire said sadly. Then she began to cry silently, hand to her mouth. "Oh this is my fault! If I had only allowed her to explain!"

"Don't worry Star, we'll find her." Cyborg said reassuringly, a hand on the red head's shoulder.

Instantly Robin became the authoritive leader, dispersing objectives. "Cyborg, start a scan on the city, see if you can find her tracking device. Beast Boy, you try her communicator. Starfire and I will search in the air, and on foot." He pointed to each as he assigned them a duty, his calm exterior betraying the nervous flutter in his heart. What if they couldn't find her?

The other Titans nodded, each highlighted by the warm glow of the day as it slowly ended. Robin glanced at each in turn, seeing them as he never had before. They were each important to him; they were each unique in their roles as guardians of the city. All of them had no one but each other.

They wouldn't abandon one of their own.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Raven never expected to leave forever. She just needed time.

She understood Starfire's anger, though she could not deny that it hurt. If she had stayed within the Tower to hear Starfire confess her anger to the others, and the cause for it, then she would have endured too much emotional struggle to control. She would have endangered each of them.

No doubt by now, the others had realized her absence and begun to search for her. She didn't want to be found. Her communicator and her locator were both in her room, busily waiting to be discovered.

Because her absence wasn't going to be long, she went to a place that could easily be thought of if they were desperate to find her. Though only Robin would think to look here. Was that why she had chosen it?

She had come here the last time too, hovering inches above the ruined debris, deep within her mind. She had spent three days inside Nevermore, never truly in the crumbled hideout around her.

Slade's decrepit home was still as she had left it, glass and gears and metal littering the floor. She stood in the doorway, gazing apathetically at the shadows. How long would she live her life in darkness? When would she truly step into the light and feel the warmth? Would she ever be anything but cold?

Sighing, she chose the light over the darkness, and stayed outside the old building. She flew to the roof, where she could see the sun set. It was still late afternoon and the shadows were stretching, the buildings emblazoned with liquid gold. It was breathtaking.

She felt her heart quiver inside her, shaking from hurt and despair. She had been horribly angry with Robin and it saddened her to think of how she might have offended him. But he needed to understand that she could not be around him. He needed to understand that it wasn't just her love for him that was the threat.

Part of her hated him. And that part of her was dangerous.

Raven stared coldly at the glory of the afternoon sun, unmoved. At her feet, a piece of discarded glass that somehow made its way up to the roof, glinted, blinding her. She glanced down and saw her apathetic reflection.

This would always be her face. This cold porcelain mask would always be there, frozen in an expressionless stare. This icy exterior would always be there to separate her from her friends. Behind the mask, she felt herself crying.

Outside, she was nothing.

She would always be alone. And there was nothing she could, nothing she wanted, to change about that.

Lunatic: Raven and I are one in the same. I love that girl. Too bad the TV Show producers have yet to acknowledge the great potential of this character within the series.

Ah well. Tell me how it is, ask me questions and offer any criticism. And please! Speculation is greatly appreciated!


	10. What we Lost and What we Found

Lunatic: Well. Well. I have a four-day weekend. I have to memorize Shakespeare. I have to write an essay (three days of school and already argh). And I'm doing neither. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED.

**Musicstarlover: Of course I love the Raven angst. Some of Raven's issues mirror my own, she's a wonderful outlet. Plus, it causes conflict and conflict is good. [Pats Raven reassuringly]**

**Jncera: Hm, more fluff? I don't know for sure. Perhaps, perhaps not. I made it R for the 'alternate ending' to the eighth chapter. I probably could have made it PG-13 but since I'm overly insecure and cautious about ratings, I made it R just to be safe. [Sweat drop]**

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune: Yeah I never read the original series, but it's ok (I hope). Starfire is a twit anywhere . **

**Scorpio Serpent: I'm a Scorpio too. But I'm a dragon [Breathes fire] **

**ChocolateCurlz: Well in the series, there was this huge long-winded plot in which Raven actually dies etc. etc. before she finally is freed of her father. That won't be happening here, so you'll just have to wait and see. She didn't run away though, she just left to collect herself. **

**Tawreh: [copy pastes] Consciousness: sense of one's personal or collective identity, including the attitudes, beliefs, and sensitivities held by or considered characteristic of an individual. Flashback? I'll try. **

**Peace215: I love you. **

Starfire flew low over the shadowy buildings, the sun long set, feeling quite sorry for herself. Her guilt about how she had acted toward her fellow teammate and friend was tearing at her heart like an angry Flornag. If only she had not- what was it- 'jumped to conclusions', then perhaps they would not be spending their night searching for their friend.

Her communicator on her belt gave a plaintive beep, signaling that someone was trying to contact her. She extracted the device from its hidden place (where does she put it in that outfit?) and pressed the button to reveal the little screen. Cyborg was there, looking frustrated.

"Her locator has been deactivated and we just found her communicator in her room." He said angrily. Raven was like a sister to him, it made him worry to think of her leaving them. Robin's voice answered and his face appeared in place of Cyborg's, the city providing a background. He was still searching somewhere down town.

"We'll have to look for her the old fashioned way. Cyborg, stay there and coordinate the search, keep tabs on where we've been and when. Beast Boy how's your end?"

Beast Boy appeared, looking disgruntled. Behind him the forest that bordered the city waited quietly. "There's nothing here. I can't even find her scent."

Starfire frowned worriedly. So far she and Robin had scanned most of the outer city, gradually working inwards. Beast Boy remained in the forests, scouring through the woodland as various creatures of the animal kingdom with no luck. They were running out of places to look.

"I have seen nothing either, friend Robin." She said sadly. "I fear she may have gone farther than we thought, or that she may have encountered something unpleasant."

Robin's small, static face smiled reassuringly at her. "Don't worry Star. Raven can handle herself. What's concerning me is-" He didn't get to finish his sentence because the alarms on each of their persons began to go off. Someone was assaulting the city.

"Section C, East and West Street intersection." Cyborg instructed.

"We'll restart the search once we wrap this up. Lets go Titans." Robin concluded and the small screen went black. Starfire frowned. What was concerning Robin? And why did evil have to begin now?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Raven didn't jump, nor gasp in surprise when the brooch on her cloak began to blink. There was trouble in the city, she didn't need her alarm to tell her that.

She was in the midst of it.

An hour or so after the sun had finally fallen to rest; she had seen minor explosions in the nearby vicinity. Slade's hideout was located deep in an old part of the city, a place of miscreants and hidden things. He had had a network of spies and technological research labs hidden beneath the surface.

Unfortunately, after his demise, gangs and super powered evildoers had found these labs. The Teen Titans had spent weeks cleaning up the messes made when they experimented with their new toys.

This was no different. A group of inexperienced bad guys had found several weapons of destruction and began to assault the local bank. Why was it always the bank?

Raven, scowling sourly at the disruption in her concentration, had headed toward the fading column of smoke. There, the miscreants had made a sloppy job of blasting out the doors and guards barring their way. No one was injured, but many customers and security officers alike were fleeing in terror.

She sighed wearily: another day's work. "Azarath, Metrion, Zhinthos!"

The explosive cannon balanced on the nearest criminal's shoulder was engulfed in dark energy and flew from his grasp. Raven held it high in the air and crushed it, sending down a hail of broken metal and fuel. The other five spun around to face their attacker, scowling.

"Next time read the instruction manual." She said darkly.

The weapons were now aimed at her, laser guides creating small red dots on her person and dark, pitiless barrels glaring at her with cold, metal apathy. She returned the favor, showing no fear or anger, only the same emotionless façade.

Chuckling, the criminals glanced at each other, assuming that her stoic pose was her way of being frozen in terror. They pulled the various triggers, sending missiles and lasers flying her way.

A shield of darkness protected her for an instant, and then vanished as the smoke gathered around her. Ruined desks and plaster fell around her, mingling with the discharged smoke of the explosives. Obscured in the debris, Raven chanted. Three dark bolts of telekinesis were sent at the five criminals and three of their weapons exploded in their hands.

Shrieking and yelling angrily, the two remaining armed miscreants fired rapidly, one with missiles and the other with yellow lasers. The smoke doubled in density and they were forced to stop when they could no longer see. Coughing, they searched in the shadowy barrier for their opponent.

"Azarath, Metrion, ZHINTHOS!" A car, wrapped in shadow, came flying toward them. They dropped their weapons, screaming, and fled. The two devices were crushed, leaving only the five men at her mercy.

They stared at each other, then at her. Now that they were weaponless, they were at a loss for what to do. Raven suppressed a smirk at their confusion.

She extended a hand and a nearby lamp pole made the decision for them, wrapping around all five. That would hold them until the police arrived. She heard running footsteps approaching, and the familiar sound of Star bolts being charged.

Raven turned around calmly as her fellow Titans approached.

"Raven!" Starfire cried happily. Before the dark girl could even register what in the world was going on, the young Tamaranian princess had crushed her in a joyful hug. "Oh friend I am most glad to see you!"

"I think we'll need the Jaws of Life to get her out of that one." Cyborg commented lightly. The other three Titans gathered around Raven (now turning a similar shade to her cloak) looking relieved and happy. Behind them, the criminals watched sullenly.

"Starfire… I can't… breathe-!" Raven gasped. Starfire blushed and released her friend.

"I wish to offer my most sincere apologies for the way I treated you, friend Raven. I was most unfair!" She cried, clasping her hands in an entreating way.

"Uhm… " Raven trailed off uncertainly. She knew Starfire was an optimistic person, but what had made her change her attitude so quickly? She glanced at the others for help.

"Starfire thought you tried to seduce Robin." Beast Boy blurted, a mischievous grin on his face. Raven stared at him.

"What?"

"Never mind." Robin interjected, as the authorities arrived. "It looks like you took care of them," he jerked a thumb at the would-be assailants, "so why don't we all go home and get some rest?"

Starfire and the others nodded their agreement. Raven was still confused.

"Seduce you?" She asked, one eyebrow raised. Cyborg laughed at the obvious befuddlement on her face.

"We'll tell you about it in the morning." He clapped her on the shoulder, and sent her sprawling to the ground. Laughing, the others helped her to her feet.

"You will be joining us?" Starfire asked hesitantly, hovering beside the darker girl. Raven nodded. She had never meant to leave the Tower permanently, no matter what they thought.

Pleased, Starfire refrained from giving the half-demon another hug. Instead she clapped and bounced into the air. Twirling, she headed toward the open front wall of the bank, followed by Pterodactyl Beast Boy carrying Cyborg.

"Can we talk?" Robin asked when they had left. His voice was quiet in the settling dust and flashing police lights. Raven sighed, her back turned to him.

"No." She answered bluntly. Behind her, she could feel Robin's eyes narrowing.

"Raven, why do you keep-?"

Raven glanced at him over her shoulder, her cold gaze stopping him mid-sentence. "We've been through this Robin. I'm going home." With that she turned around and took to the air, leaving him frowning after her.

Robin only scowled. She watched behind her as he slowly slid into the shadows of the streets, heading in the direction of the Tower. Why was he so determined to talk to her? What was there to talk about? Sighing in minor frustration, Raven continued home.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning was an unfortunate one for the solitary Raven. Starfire had taken it upon herself to 'make up' to Raven what had been said the previous day. For her part, the darker girl didn't think this was necessary, especially when she discovered that reconciliations between Tamaranian's included the consumption of several kinds of Pudding.

"NO Starfire." She said for the hundredth time, fending off the spoonful of greenish goo.

"Friend, I feel most guilty about our disagreement and the way I have treated you. Please allow me to show my apologies in the customary fashion of Tamaran by giving to you 'Pudding of Apologies', 'Pudding of Regret', and 'Pudding of Merriment!'" The redhead pleaded.

Raven glanced at her over the spine of her book. She had several bowls of foul smelling puddings in her arms, each a more revolting color than the last.

"Star, you'll never get Raven to eat anything with the word 'merriment' in it." Beast Boy concluded sarcastically. Raven ignored him.

"Starfire this isn't necessary. I accept your apology, and I'm not eating the Pudding." She responded bluntly. The alien girl looked hurt for a moment, but her usual optimism returned quickly.

"Perhaps then, we may partake in the 'hanging out'? We might go to the 'Mall of Shopping', or the 'Store of Music', or perhaps the 'House of Moving Pictures'?"

Raven didn't bother to correct Starfire's English when it came to the names of places or things. All of them had gotten used to the way the Tamaranian spoke. Instead she merely growled her simple reply.

"No."

"Oh." Starfire replied sadly. Raven couldn't spare any control to feel sorry for her. "Perhaps another time?"

"Maybe."

As Raven retreated to the sanctuary of her book, Starfire wandered away to find Robin; she needed to speak with him. Certainly he would be somewhere in the 'Hall of Training'? Or perhaps she might find him in the 'Jim'?"

As it turned out, Robin and Cyborg were both in the gym (haha Jim haha) playing a relaxed game of basketball. The sport had been one of Vincent's favorites when he was still an athlete in high school. Robin indulged him when he could; he enjoyed sports just as much as the taller boy.

"Robin!" Starfire cried happily when she saw the pair playing. Cyborg took advantage of the boy wonder's distraction and made a basket.

"Hey! All right time out!" Robin hated losing, and he was already four points behind. He glared at Cyborg who only grinned widely at him. If there was anyone Cyborg liked to beat better than Beast Boy, it was Robin, mostly because it was such a damned hard thing to do.

"Starfire! What's up?" The mechanic said happily, taking a seat on one of the bleachers. Starfire flew over and sat between him and Robin.

"I wish to speak with Robin." She said kindly. She smiled at the shorter boy who was still glaring daggers at his opponent.

Cyborg gulped under the heat of the stare. "Uh maybe I'll just leave you two alone then… "

Robin stared angrily at his retreating back until he disappeared behind the double doors. He wasn't really angry at Cyborg he just hated to lose.

"What is it Star?" Robin asked distractedly. He took a long drink of water from his water bottle and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Robin… " Starfire had become a little more subdued than she had been when Cyborg was there. She stared thoughtfully at the floor and bit her lip. "I know how our friend Raven feels about you, but I am curious to know… what your feelings are for… her." She said hesitantly.

Robin stared at the beautiful alien, at her hopeful expression and the anticipated sadness in her green eyes. He knew right then, more than he ever had, that Starfire cared about him as more than a friend. And he knew then that…

He didn't have an answer to her question.

"Star I-" His face constricted into confusion. He was at a loss. Suddenly his emotions were betraying him and he couldn't say what his logic told him he should. "I don't know." He said incredulously, as if he didn't quite belief it himself.

"You do not… know?" Starfire's expression resembled his own, confused and more than a little upset. "How do you not know such a thing!" She said sharply.

"I- I don't know Star! I haven't made up my mind about any of this." He put his head in his hands and stared at the bleacher between his feet. How _did _he feel about Raven? And what was he supposed to do if it was more than uncontrollable hormones that drew him to her?

"Then you must decide!" The alien cried unreasonably. She had expected his affirmative no, that Raven was nothing more than a friend. Instead he was giving her this; he was stating his indecision.

Every woman is possessed with an intuition far greater to any man's. Even now, Starfire could tell that his answer, when he finally chose it, would not be in her favor. If it had been, then he would have said so from the very start. It was this fact that made her frantic and unreasonable. She felt herself losing the one thing she wanted most.

"I'm sorry Star, I can't. I just… I don't know." He said sadly, shaking his head where it rested in his hands. An awkward and tense silence settled between them, spreading its cold fingers into each of their hearts. He felt Starfire drifting from him, that suddenly their relationship was no longer the same.

Starfire let the stony silence arrive; she had nothing left to say. She couldn't think of what to say. She felt her heart breaking and healing at once. On one side, she was angry and sad that she would not be the one to receive Robin's love if it was ever given. On the other, she was happy for Raven because she understood now what had been causing her only girl friend so much pain.

She remembered how evilly she had treated her.

_"I know Star." _

_ "Then you will answer my question?" _

_ "I don't have a choice." _

_ Starfire didn't understand what her friend meant by this, and so chose to ignore it. "What is your relationship with Robin?"_

_ Raven sighed. "We're just friends, Star." She answered truthfully. The alien noticed the sad tinge in the usually emotionless girl's voice, as if this fact pained her. _

_ "Do you wish that this was not so?" She asked in confusion. She hardly stopped to think that Raven might want it to be something more. Her assumptions were that perhaps Raven was so angry with Robin; she no longer wished to be friends with him. _

_ "No." Raven whispered sadly. _

_ "Then what troubles you friend Raven?" Starfire had forgotten her jealousy when she saw the two arguing. Now that she knew it was just usual banter, it did not bother her. What bothered her was the sadness in her friend, and the creepy interior of her room. _

_ "I love him." That was the last thing Raven said. _

_ "You- you love friend Robin?" There was no reply from the dark silhouette in the window. "This is not some form of platonic friendship?" Her voice raised an octave as jealousy and frantic fear entered her heart. Still there was no reply. _

_ Starfire strode the last few steps toward her apathetic companion and spun her around, holding onto her forearms. "You love Robin as more than a friend." She said simply, her eyes narrowed. Raven closed her own violet eyes and her expression became pained. It was as if she was trying not to affirm Starfire's statement. In the end, she nodded her head and the tight pain left her face, replaced by weary resignation. _

_ The alien let her grip loosen as all the 'logical' assumptions she had made came flooding into her brain. "You told me there was nothing between you and friend Robin." Starfire's voice shook slightly with righteous anger and jealousy. "You lied to me." She hissed. "You LIED." _

_ Raven only averted her eyes guiltily. Starfire roared with anger. "YOU ARE A LYING BLORNAX!" She dropped her friend to the ground, tossing her slightly with her alien strength. Raven caught herself nimbly and followed Starfire as she fled the room. _

Starfire stood, staring with unseeing eyes into the gymnasium as if it held the answers and reassurance she sought.

"Robin." She said quietly. Relieved that the silence was finally broken, Robin glanced upwards at the Tamaranian. Her expression was so determined, so focused and so far away that he felt he hardly knew her. She seemed to snap out of it, and blinked slightly. She glanced down at him.

"Robin you must choose what makes you happy. If you are uncertain what you feel for friend Raven, then you must discover for yourself what your heart is telling you." She said sagely, all of her childish innocence and optimism gone from her face. Robin stared at her, utterly stunned by this transition.

Then she smiled, and clasped her hands in front of her chest. "May I be of assistance to you in your search?"

"Starfire… " He thought about her words, and what he had been about to say. He had been about to tell her that he didn't plan on doing anything of the kind, that Raven didn't want him near her and he didn't plan on disobeying her anytime soon. Then he thought about what he had just felt when he thought about his feelings for Raven: the fiery desire, the boundless need, and the inexplicable urge to see her smile. "Yeah. Yeah you can help."

Starfire's smile softened into a look of parental understanding. "Glorious."

**Lunatic: Eeee-yup. There you go. He'd figured it out. Sort of. And we get to see Starfire's forgiving, sage side. (I do believe she has one, seriously.) I think what I just wrote was one of Starfire's best moments really. Think of how hard it must have been for her to choose their happiness of her own? I couldn't do that; I'm a selfish- [Robin covers her mouth.] **

**MMMF! Mm, mm-mmf mm-mmhmmf. **

**Robin: … what? **

**Lunatic: -glares-**

**Robin: Fine. **

**Lunatic: As I was saying. I would just like to note that the thing that was concerning Robin will be in the next chapter. It's not terribly important, I just couldn't coherently fit it in here. **


	11. By Moonlight

**Lunatic: I don't own these beautiful cartoon creations. **

Raven floated motionlessly on the roof, the world around her a montage of gold and blue. The day was new and innocent, the city blinking sleepily as the sun reflected off of its many windows and metal supports.

Raven had fled the living room shortly after Starfire abandoned her attempt at feeding her pudding. She needed to meditate and she loved mornings anyways. As she chanted softly her three-word mantra, she had difficulty controlling her thoughts. They kept wandering toward Robin.

_"What did he mean 'seduce' you?" She asked suddenly. The others had left the table to clean off their plates. It took every ounce of control she had just to meet his gaze. _

_ "Hm? Oh." Robin blushed. "Starfire assumed that because you… that you were trying to uhm… 'Put the moves' on me." _

_ "You should have heard her, it was hilarious." Beast Boy interjected, overhearing their conversation. _

_ "Do I seduce **anyone**__?" Raven asked rhetorically. So that was why Starfire exploded. She had thought it was just because the Tamaranian didn't like the fact that she had lied, and perhaps was jealous of the competition, but seducing him? _

_ "Hehe yeah." Robin chuckled softly. He hurriedly gathered his untouched breakfast and chased after Cyborg, challenging him to a game of basketball. Raven stared after him. _

She found herself staring into the bright blue horizon instead, her chanting silenced. Why had he run off like that? And why was she asking such foolish questions?

She scoffed at herself and landed gently on the concrete. A pale morning breeze fanned her cloak out behind her as she stood, peering over the edge to the water below. It was unusually still, only licking at the toes of the rocks surrounding the T-shaped building. She was aware of the door opening softly behind her.

"Oh." Raven turned to see Cyborg standing behind her. "Sorry didn't know you were up here." He smiled gently, joining her by the ledge.

"I don't mind." They stood in companionable silence, Raven with her cloak billowing around her, Cyborg staring darkly at the soft clouds above.

"Rae, you being unconscious, that had to do with Robin right?" He said suddenly, not looking at the dark girl beside him. Raven didn't answer. "What happened? My sensors are never wrong, and that night they were way off… I'm just curious I guess." He got nervous in the face of her silence, rubbing the back of his head.

"It wasn't because of malnutrition." She responded sarcastically, reading his thoughts. It had only been his best scientific guess, but it was also the wrong one.

"I kind of figured."

She continued to stare stonily at the horizon, her hood shrouding most of her face.

"You're wondering how I can love him when supposedly I can feel nothing at all." She said suddenly. In truth it was her own thought, her own confounded question that she had just whispered aloud. How was she ever supposed to love him freely, if it was such a danger?

"Yeah. You could say that."

"… I don't know either."

After a moment, Cyborg spoke again, sounding hesitant and thoughtful. "You know… I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I think… maybe you could love him if you tried… if you chose to be happy about it, if you didn't hide it, if you didn't… choose to see the bad instead of the good." Raven was watching him, her expression unreadable.

"I don't understand." She said coldly. He turned to look at her, his human eye sad and brotherly. He put a metallic hand on her shoulder.

"Raven, everything about you is darkness and shadows. Love is something completely different from that. You have to choose to accept that difference instead of turning from it, or you won't be able to love at all."

Raven stared at her friend with a mixture of shock and unfounded displeasure. She had never known Cyborg to be capable of such things, though she had always suspected he was a deep and loving soul. But his words made her tremble, they upset the stable foundations of her beliefs and that frightened her.

"Are you telling me to be optimistic? Because that's Starfire's job not mine." She said instead, stifling the flood of emotions that threatened to over take her. He grinned at her.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Rage can't benefit from something that's its opposite right?" Raven gave him a tentative smile at this, wondering secretly if what he said was true. Every time she had ever been happy, Rage had never surfaced and her powers had never flown out of her grasp. Perhaps…

The door to the roof opened once again, admitting a curiously disheveled Robin. He saw them both, standing there with Cyborg's hand on her shoulder, and smiled.

"Finally. I've been looking all over the place for you."

Cyborg sighed. "I guess I have to leave again don't I?" He shook his head sadly as Robin nodded, grinning. "Nobody wants me around anymore." He sniffed. Robin patted his metallic shoulder as he passed.

"Don't worry, the T-car still needs you. And I think Beast Boy is about to beat your high score on Mega- Doom Part IV."

"WHAT?" Cyborg raced down the stairs in an instant, leaving the two alone. Robin suddenly became timid.

"So… " He stood beside her at the ledge, leaning against the stone barrier.

"What do you want?" She asked in a dark monotone. She was annoyed that her enlightening conversation with Cyborg had come to an abrupt conclusion and the last person she wanted to spend time with was Robin. Though her heart told her differently.

"I needed to talk to you." She waited patiently for him to continue, watching, as he remained motionless against the barrier. Because of his mask, she couldn't see where he was looking but she had a feeling that he was gazing at her, rather than the water below.

"And?" She pressed. Waiting around for him to continue was starting to get on her nerves, her heart fluttering nervously in anticipation of his response. At the same time that she admired his agile body, she imagined ways to throw him over the edge.

He frowned, as if concentrating on something important. "Raven do we have to do this?"

"What?" She said darkly. Her voice remained a monotone, a sinuous line of syllables with no meaning or expression.

"Avoiding each other and getting into fights whenever we talk."

"No." She turned to lean with him against the edge, elbows propped on the hard concrete. "You could leave me alone and I'll avoid you on my own."

He turned to glare at her. "What if I don't want to leave you alone?" He asked stubbornly. Her violet eyes flickered briefly to him, surprise beneath their amethyst color, and then returned to the horizon, unfazed.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I am not being ridiculous." He responded firmly. "I don't want to walk away from you."

"Robin, your responsibility as a leader and a friend has been fulfilled. You don't need to- "

"It's not like that." He interrupted, looking back out at the sparkling water lit with untainted morning light.

"Then what is it Robin?" She asked cautiously. She was tired of these games, tired of trying to guess what it was he wanted exactly. Obviously he didn't know himself. The strain of concealing how much these games angered her was making her weary and irate.

"I don't know yet." He responded quietly. That was it. That was all she could handle. She was tired of him making her guess, she was tired of being led around and she was tired of getting hurt.

"Robin, go. Now." She said suddenly, through gritted teeth. Her anger was rising against her, flames licking at the dark places of her soul. She could feel Rage stirring from its hidden place, hating him even more than she had before.

"What?" He stared at her. He didn't notice the black energy engulfing the generators and ventilation shafts around them.

"Robin GO." She said firmly. If he didn't leave, she would do something unpleasant and then there would be a whole mess to attend to.

He saw her pained expression as she stared unseeing at the waves ahead, and spun around to see her powers flickering in and out of existence. As he watched, several more outlets and appliances on the roof were taken by shadows. She turned around and shoved him toward the door. He ran before that too was covered in blackness.

XXXXX

Panting, Robin leaned against the door, listening as several things exploded on the other side. Starfire was waiting for him on the stairs.

"I am assuming that things did not go well?" She asked. Robin nodded.

"She lost control of her powers before I could… tell her." He followed the Tamaranian down the long flight of stairs, glowering sullenly at every step as if it were entirely their fault.

"This was perhaps a sign of her great affection for you?" Starfire speculated lightly. She was trying to think of ways they could get around Raven's inability to control herself around him, so that he could spend enough time with her to make up his mind.

"I don't know. But at the moment, I'm starting to wonder if this is worth it." He huffed angrily. He was getting frustrated with Raven and her pushing him away. He wanted to be close to her, and he felt that if he were, he would finally understand why. But that seemed impossible. The way she talked to him, the way she acted, it was like she didn't love him; it was like she _hated_ him.

"Even they've learned to hate you…" 

He remembered the sinister voice of Raven's Rage as it attacked him, the pain of her powers and the sting of his own mistakes. All of Raven's personalities had been there. Did that mean…?

Maybe she _did_ hate him.

He hardly noticed that Starfire had stopped walking. He turned back to look at her, noting that she seemed fairly angry with him.

"Robin!" She said in a scandalized tone. The boy wonder couldn't help thinking: 'Now what?'

"You mustn't think such things! This is most definitely worth the trouble!" She flew the rest of the steps down to meet him, and put both hands on his shoulders.

"The happiness of both you and friend Raven depends on it!" She said seriously. She then headed toward the living room, mumbling plans to subdue Raven's powers as she went. Robin had the vague impression that perhaps letting her help was a bad idea.

XXXXX

It was Beast Boy's idea to have movie night every Friday. Unfortunately for all of them, the green shape shifter himself had been the one to choose the movie that night. He had chosen one of many zombie movies, this one called 'Resident Evil'. (Eheh only zombie movie I know.)

"All right BB! Good choice!" Cyborg vaulted over the couch, carrying a large collection of chips, sodas and candy. Starfire floated over to sit beside him, curious.

"Where is this place that provides residence to evil?" She asked in shocked tones. The other Titans groaned.

"Don't worry about it Star." Robin said gently, grabbing a soda from one of the many in Cyborg's stash. Beast Boy stood in front of the TV, holding the remote and waiting for everyone to be seated. Raven sat at the very end of the couch, ironically beside Robin.

She sighed inwardly. At least it was a horror movie. Hopefully this one wouldn't frighten her into creating a terrible house of horrors in the Tower. The last time that had happened was an incident she didn't want to remember.

"Is everyone ready?" Beast Boy asked, irritated. It had taken Cyborg half an hour to get all the snacks together and Robin and Starfire had taken even longer to get to the living room. When pestered about what they had been doing, they were far too evasive. The secrets and the long wait were getting on his nerves.

"All right! Prepare to be scared out of your minds!" Beast Boy sat between Starfire and Cyborg to better reach the snacks. He selected Play on the DVD menu and let the creepy music begin.

Raven watched with little enthusiasm as the plot slowly unfolded: a woman with little memory, brought into a secret underground lab blah, blah. She had to admit that the deaths were creative, especially the man turned into fleshy cubes by a grid of lasers. (I hated that part. Hated it, hated it, hated it –rants insanely-)

At one point, the heroes were caught in a room, with a horrible creature desperately trying to reach them. Raven jumped at the suspense and collided with Robin's shoulder. He jolted too, and looked at her in surprise. A tentative smile crossed his face when he saw the scared expression that she wore. He took her hand in a reassuring gesture.

Between the smile and the hand and the movie, she couldn't control it.

The TV promptly shattered.

Flushing, Raven stood and left the room, her hood barricading her expression from the others with shadows. Beast Boy and Cyborg were mourning the death of the television, while Robin and Starfire both watched Raven retreat to her room.

"Now we'll never know what happened!" Beast Boy cried dramatically.

"NO! My big screen!" Cyborg moaned in despair.

"Friend Robin, what happened?" Starfire said quietly, sliding over to where the boy wonder was staring at the empty doorway.

"I- she was scared so I- I just took her hand." He glanced at Starfire, looking abashed. "I probably shouldn't have touched her, huh?"

The alien nodded in response. "Yes, she was already frightened by the movie, your affections were too much for her." She explained gently. Robin stared at her.

"What do you mean my affections?" He asked hoarsely.

She smiled mysteriously. "Oh yes, I had forgotten. You have yet to decide." Still smiling, she floated over to the two boys crying over the shattered screen, offering to help them pick up the mess.

XXXX

Robin knocked hesitantly on the door, nervously awaiting the reply, if there would be one. He half expected an angry retort, or the sound of exploding glass. Instead, the door opened a crack, revealing Raven's pale face.

"What do you want Robin?"

"To apologize."

She watched him a moment, seemingly frozen between two decisions. Finally she sighed and opened the door all the way. "Come in."

He hadn't expected her to invite him in. Raven kept people away from her room at all times. He stepped cautiously into the dark chamber, where shadows and foreboding lurked. He repressed the urge to shiver.

Raven walked all the way to the large window, gazing out into the moonlit waters below. He followed and stood behind her.

She gave him no preamble, no request for his speech. So he figured he would rather apologize and flee with his dignity before an argument began.

"Raven I wanted to say I'm sorry-"

"Stop. Please." She whispered. He did stop, mouth open, and looked at her reflection on the window. She was crying.

"Raven?" His reflection joined hers on the glass, its hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to look at him, letting the tears drip from her chin and the end of her nose.

"I told you before," she sniffed miserably, "don't say you're sorry for things I want you to do." The glass before them began to crack.

"I won't." He promised, sobered by this expression of her misery. The window shattered and a cold wind from the outside swept into the room, sending both of their capes into a flurry around them. He felt Raven shiver.

Automatically he dropped to the floor and began helping her clean up the broken glass, while she sniffled and remade the window. Within a few minutes it was restored, and Raven had fully collected herself.

"I'm sorry." She said, wiping the tearstains from her face.

"Don't be." He said genuinely. He didn't blame her for being so upset, though he felt that maybe she shouldn't be. Without thinking, he wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

Raven blinked at him, like a small animal caught in the headlights. Robin let his hand stay on her face, watching her sadly. How much he had hurt her. He had broken the cold icy façade with just the touch of his hand. It was like a power, a control that he had over her. He didn't like it at all.

"Robin…" She said slowly, beginning to back away from his touch. He realized what he was doing and quickly dropped his hand. "You still have the urge to say 'I'm sorry' don't you?" She said, reading his thoughts. He nodded wearily.

Raven sighed, her face still not completely adorned in apathy. "Robin I should be apologizing. I've been treating you miserably." He watched her without speaking, his eyes and his expression hidden by his mask. "I've just… I've been trying so… so hard to push you away." She took a deep, shuddering breath, and glanced out the window to the moon above.

"I know." He said quietly. "And I haven't let you." After a moment, he added, "And I still won't."

She whipped around to look at him, eyebrows raised. "Why?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." He responded lamely. She smiled sarcastically at him.

"I could answer that for you, you know."

"What do you mean?" He watched her as she circled around him to the bureau by the door. It sported a large old-fashioned mirror, which she gazed into with sad eyes.

She seemed to be debating with herself, her head tilted as if she were listening to something. Finally she frowned. "Never mind. It's not important."

He caught her as she turned around, holding onto her upper arm. "Not important?" He asked her incredulously. "It damn well is important. It's tearing me apart!" He froze, realizing what he'd just said and done. His hand quickly released her and he backed away. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, expressionlessly straightening her cloak. "It's late. I'd like to go to bed." As an afterthought, she smiled and added, "And as much as I would like you to, no you may not join me."

He couldn't stop himself from smiling in return. He didn't want to start an argument so chose to let the issue lie. "All right. Will you be OK?"

She nodded. "I can handle myself."

"Believe me, I know." He stopped at the doorway, looking back to see her standing in the center of the room. The darkness edged around her, but she remained illuminated, safe from the shadows by a single silver strand of moonlight. He wanted to freeze that image in his mind for all time: her pale face smiling slightly as the light touched her at last.

That's when he knew.

Lunatic: -sniffs- 

**I tried not to be all mushy romantic but hey, they deserve it. I was so afraid Raven would be out of character. Do you think she was? With the apology? I think maybe two more chapters? Hm not sure. **

**I'd like to say that while I was writing this, someone two houses down got taken away in an ambulance. Let us all wish them good luck whoever the heck they are (has no idea who her neighbors are). **


End file.
